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Need ideas for appropriate discipline
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<blockquote data-quote="Sara PA" data-source="post: 162930" data-attributes="member: 1498"><p>Did he not tell you about the party because he was sure you would make him go to the baseball game? Or was it a late invitation or he truly forgot? </p><p></p><p>I have mixed feelings. I believe that joining a sports team is making a commitment but I also know that some of our difficult children rarely get invited or included in social events. It was a party...at the beach....with other kids. Sounds much better than a hot old baseball game. I think choosing the party is logical from an 11 year old's point of view, unless that 11 year old is fully committed to the sport. </p><p></p><p>I can understand the crankiness and meanness when he overslept. I think most people <em>always</em> wake up a bit cranky and need a little time before they are forced to function. He not only didn't have that time, he was late for the party (and maybe fearing they had already left for the beach without him), and he was still fearful that you wouldn't let him go to the party. On top of it you were asking him to make a phone call to his coach. Fear and anxiety, the difficult child's two worse enemies.</p><p></p><p>How would I have handled it? Probably much like you did. I would have encouraged following through on the commitment to the baseball team but when I saw he would have done so only with extreem resentment, I would have let him go to the party. In the evening when he came home telling me what all that happened and what a great time he had (I hope), I wouldn't do anything to darken it. I don't know about your difficult child but my son needed all the good times he could get. </p><p></p><p>But we would have a conversation about how he handled the whole situation, from receiving the invitation to his departure. I'm all about bad things not happening again and very little into punishment. Never thought it was a good idea to teach kids to behave out of fear. They need to learn to behave because it's the right thing to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sara PA, post: 162930, member: 1498"] Did he not tell you about the party because he was sure you would make him go to the baseball game? Or was it a late invitation or he truly forgot? I have mixed feelings. I believe that joining a sports team is making a commitment but I also know that some of our difficult children rarely get invited or included in social events. It was a party...at the beach....with other kids. Sounds much better than a hot old baseball game. I think choosing the party is logical from an 11 year old's point of view, unless that 11 year old is fully committed to the sport. I can understand the crankiness and meanness when he overslept. I think most people [I]always[/I] wake up a bit cranky and need a little time before they are forced to function. He not only didn't have that time, he was late for the party (and maybe fearing they had already left for the beach without him), and he was still fearful that you wouldn't let him go to the party. On top of it you were asking him to make a phone call to his coach. Fear and anxiety, the difficult child's two worse enemies. How would I have handled it? Probably much like you did. I would have encouraged following through on the commitment to the baseball team but when I saw he would have done so only with extreem resentment, I would have let him go to the party. In the evening when he came home telling me what all that happened and what a great time he had (I hope), I wouldn't do anything to darken it. I don't know about your difficult child but my son needed all the good times he could get. But we would have a conversation about how he handled the whole situation, from receiving the invitation to his departure. I'm all about bad things not happening again and very little into punishment. Never thought it was a good idea to teach kids to behave out of fear. They need to learn to behave because it's the right thing to do. [/QUOTE]
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