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Need ideas for appropriate discipline
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 163043" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>I would sit down with difficult child and say, "Look, this morning did not go well. I was so frustrated when your friends showed up because I was not prepared. I did not know that you had made arrangements to be picked up and I was planning on taking you to your ball game and working the concession stand. What can we do to prevent this from happening again?" </p><p> </p><p>"What is the best way for you to tell me about the things you want to do?" He may say, "Tell you as soon as I know." or "Make sure you hear me when I ask to go somewhere" or "Make sure I give you ALL the information, who/what/where/</p><p>when/how" O.k., I am a paper person so maybe coming up with a form with these questions on for him to work on - either verbally with you or he can fill out. (Oh, if he is going to manually write the answers, add "why" - you will get the funniest responses)</p><p> </p><p>"How can we know if there is something else going on at the same time?" He may say, "Put it on the calendar" Then get a calendar or make sure he asks to consult it before making any plans.</p><p> </p><p>"What should we do if something is already on the calendar?" "Talk to mom about how I feel and if there is away to reschedule something or how to make the choice."</p><p> </p><p>I did this a lot with easy child when she was 12 years old. I would often say, "O.K. that did not work - let's find another way of dealing with it -new rules, ect." I was never angry when I talked to her, it was just something that didn't work and we need to be ready for the next time it happens (and it will).</p><p> </p><p>I think the 11 - 12 years and sometimes into 13 are really years of new rules - preparing the kids for the teen years as they are becoming more independent - will they be able to just go where ever or do they need to tell you (even if you know were they are going, make them responsible for telling you themselves, that whay when they are older teens, they may still be in the habit?)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 163043, member: 5096"] I would sit down with difficult child and say, "Look, this morning did not go well. I was so frustrated when your friends showed up because I was not prepared. I did not know that you had made arrangements to be picked up and I was planning on taking you to your ball game and working the concession stand. What can we do to prevent this from happening again?" "What is the best way for you to tell me about the things you want to do?" He may say, "Tell you as soon as I know." or "Make sure you hear me when I ask to go somewhere" or "Make sure I give you ALL the information, who/what/where/ when/how" O.k., I am a paper person so maybe coming up with a form with these questions on for him to work on - either verbally with you or he can fill out. (Oh, if he is going to manually write the answers, add "why" - you will get the funniest responses) "How can we know if there is something else going on at the same time?" He may say, "Put it on the calendar" Then get a calendar or make sure he asks to consult it before making any plans. "What should we do if something is already on the calendar?" "Talk to mom about how I feel and if there is away to reschedule something or how to make the choice." I did this a lot with easy child when she was 12 years old. I would often say, "O.K. that did not work - let's find another way of dealing with it -new rules, ect." I was never angry when I talked to her, it was just something that didn't work and we need to be ready for the next time it happens (and it will). I think the 11 - 12 years and sometimes into 13 are really years of new rules - preparing the kids for the teen years as they are becoming more independent - will they be able to just go where ever or do they need to tell you (even if you know were they are going, make them responsible for telling you themselves, that whay when they are older teens, they may still be in the habit?) [/QUOTE]
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