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Need ideas for where my 19 yr old daughter can get help
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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 327115" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p>Hi Recovering,</p><p>I bet most of us here have done similar things. I used to reward first and expect the hard work later too and my dtr would be so joyful and make a million promises, etc. And it never worked out.</p><p></p><p>I think the fact that you had an epiphany and the blinders are now off is wonderful. Okay, so you blew it this time. If this will help in the future you have made progress.</p><p></p><p>I too saw my dtr as fragile and saw myself as the reason she had emotional problems. So, out of guilt I was unable to stand firm. I was trying to make it up to her. Her dad had died and I kind of went crazy after that and got involved with a loser type of guy before I met my husband. I was not able to be very emotionally supportive of my kids after their dad died and I was out a lot, leaving my 12 yr old son to babysit and he did not do a good job of it.</p><p></p><p>Parenting out of guilt is a terrible way to parent. I had to get strong and start setting boundaries and stop seeing difficult child as a fragile little girl who would fall apart. She has shown that she is a lot stronger than I gave her credit for. She can get what she wants from people--I am not the only one she can manipulate. It may not be a healthy way to cope or handle things but it's what she does and she's good at getting people to help her.</p><p></p><p>I hope the place in Vermont will be beneficial. </p><p></p><p>Stay strong!</p><p></p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 327115, member: 3450"] Hi Recovering, I bet most of us here have done similar things. I used to reward first and expect the hard work later too and my dtr would be so joyful and make a million promises, etc. And it never worked out. I think the fact that you had an epiphany and the blinders are now off is wonderful. Okay, so you blew it this time. If this will help in the future you have made progress. I too saw my dtr as fragile and saw myself as the reason she had emotional problems. So, out of guilt I was unable to stand firm. I was trying to make it up to her. Her dad had died and I kind of went crazy after that and got involved with a loser type of guy before I met my husband. I was not able to be very emotionally supportive of my kids after their dad died and I was out a lot, leaving my 12 yr old son to babysit and he did not do a good job of it. Parenting out of guilt is a terrible way to parent. I had to get strong and start setting boundaries and stop seeing difficult child as a fragile little girl who would fall apart. She has shown that she is a lot stronger than I gave her credit for. She can get what she wants from people--I am not the only one she can manipulate. It may not be a healthy way to cope or handle things but it's what she does and she's good at getting people to help her. I hope the place in Vermont will be beneficial. Stay strong! Jane [/QUOTE]
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Need ideas for where my 19 yr old daughter can get help
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