Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Need Input, Please - Email from gfg32's girlfriend has me shaken
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 621273" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Well, I disagree with the this girlfriend and bet your son put up quite a fuss to get her to write it for him. Bet he stood over her shoulder while she wrote it. She is a piece of work too. by the way, he certainly can pull himself up from the bootstraps. It's his fault he may have to spend a few nights in a homeless shelter. Why should you reward him for the horrible things he has done to get to this place? Bet he never spends one day on the street either. Our difficult child's know how to find places to sleep well. This letter actually angers me for you.</p><p></p><p>If he will let you give him emotional support without one dime that's all the support he should get at his age. But he doesn't want your emotional support, does he? He wants your money. He wants to be able to live in your house. He wants to lie to you and be excused. He wants to use drugs (and nobody knows, incuding this person if he still is or not) and get a pass. He wants to be Peter Pan and at the same time make you feel like the bad guy.</p><p></p><p>This girlfriend is a loser. She is not being helped by her family. They are enabling her. Why do you care what she says?</p><p></p><p>If this were me, and I know myself well, I would not be reading 32's e-mails, letters, texts and NONE from third parties. Sometimes when ours don't work, difficult children tend to get others to do the dirty work for them. They feel maybe they will have more credibility. Apparently it worked on you, but it is just a sick trick.</p><p></p><p>If he had a job he wouldn't have to live out of hotels. There are worse fates, by the way. He didn't start from nothing You gave him EVERYTHING. And if you give him more, he will still blow it. He is manipulative and cunning and I don't trust him, even though I don't know him. He reminds me of my 36.</p><p></p><p>I would never have read the letter. I learned. But since you have, you can choose your reaction to it. You have several choices.</p><p></p><p>1. You can think "OMG. I'm horrible. girlfriend's family is right!!!! I have to take care of him and enable him forever. I have to give him more chances. 1,000 chances wasn't enough! He's only 32. I can't abandon him." You certainly have the right to buy into this and let him come home, give him money, trust him for no reason, etc. That is one option.</p><p></p><p>2. Don't respond it it and think and talk about it with your SO and a therapist who is on YOUR side, one who understands what you have gone through with your son. One who isn't infatuated with him.</p><p></p><p>3. Continue to stand your ground and ignore what an immature young woman was probably prompted to write. Don't change anything. Don't respond to her. She has nothing to do with you and him. She is a tool in his game of manipulation.</p><p></p><p>4. Take care of him his entire life and have no life of your own because you feel guilty. At the same time, ingore your other loved ones who treat you well.</p><p></p><p>You can actually do anything you want with this, but if it were me (and I know you are not me) I'd crumble it up in the garbage and go on. To me, and again this is just MY take on it, it smacks of your son telling her what to write in order to make you have a meltdown, feel bad, and do his bidding. Only a very mean person would do that to his mother. I have a son who would. I think you do too. But I don't know your son.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you some serenity and clarity and hoping you sit back and don't react quickly. Take a deep breath. Think, think, think. Time and reflection are our friends. There is no reason to freak out right now. And actually in my opinion there is no reason to over-react to this at all. I hope you have a peaceful night.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 621273, member: 1550"] Well, I disagree with the this girlfriend and bet your son put up quite a fuss to get her to write it for him. Bet he stood over her shoulder while she wrote it. She is a piece of work too. by the way, he certainly can pull himself up from the bootstraps. It's his fault he may have to spend a few nights in a homeless shelter. Why should you reward him for the horrible things he has done to get to this place? Bet he never spends one day on the street either. Our difficult child's know how to find places to sleep well. This letter actually angers me for you. If he will let you give him emotional support without one dime that's all the support he should get at his age. But he doesn't want your emotional support, does he? He wants your money. He wants to be able to live in your house. He wants to lie to you and be excused. He wants to use drugs (and nobody knows, incuding this person if he still is or not) and get a pass. He wants to be Peter Pan and at the same time make you feel like the bad guy. This girlfriend is a loser. She is not being helped by her family. They are enabling her. Why do you care what she says? If this were me, and I know myself well, I would not be reading 32's e-mails, letters, texts and NONE from third parties. Sometimes when ours don't work, difficult children tend to get others to do the dirty work for them. They feel maybe they will have more credibility. Apparently it worked on you, but it is just a sick trick. If he had a job he wouldn't have to live out of hotels. There are worse fates, by the way. He didn't start from nothing You gave him EVERYTHING. And if you give him more, he will still blow it. He is manipulative and cunning and I don't trust him, even though I don't know him. He reminds me of my 36. I would never have read the letter. I learned. But since you have, you can choose your reaction to it. You have several choices. 1. You can think "OMG. I'm horrible. girlfriend's family is right!!!! I have to take care of him and enable him forever. I have to give him more chances. 1,000 chances wasn't enough! He's only 32. I can't abandon him." You certainly have the right to buy into this and let him come home, give him money, trust him for no reason, etc. That is one option. 2. Don't respond it it and think and talk about it with your SO and a therapist who is on YOUR side, one who understands what you have gone through with your son. One who isn't infatuated with him. 3. Continue to stand your ground and ignore what an immature young woman was probably prompted to write. Don't change anything. Don't respond to her. She has nothing to do with you and him. She is a tool in his game of manipulation. 4. Take care of him his entire life and have no life of your own because you feel guilty. At the same time, ingore your other loved ones who treat you well. You can actually do anything you want with this, but if it were me (and I know you are not me) I'd crumble it up in the garbage and go on. To me, and again this is just MY take on it, it smacks of your son telling her what to write in order to make you have a meltdown, feel bad, and do his bidding. Only a very mean person would do that to his mother. I have a son who would. I think you do too. But I don't know your son. Wishing you some serenity and clarity and hoping you sit back and don't react quickly. Take a deep breath. Think, think, think. Time and reflection are our friends. There is no reason to freak out right now. And actually in my opinion there is no reason to over-react to this at all. I hope you have a peaceful night. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Need Input, Please - Email from gfg32's girlfriend has me shaken
Top