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Need some advice on continued coping with enablers.
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<blockquote data-quote="Bean" data-source="post: 376237" data-attributes="member: 8620"><p><span style="color: black">My parents, despite not having my daughter living with them anymore, continue to enable her. </span></p><p><span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black">Small example: Two weeks ago, my mom and I went in on a 30-day, unlimited bus pass for my daughter. The deal was, she would have it, be responsible for it and it would last a month. But we were no longer going to give her rides. My daughter loves to "make a crisis" and then persuade everyone to drop their lives to accommodate hers. Today (2 weeks later), she's supposed to go to her job (one she was "fired from, and then hired back"). Three hours, 5-8pm. Piece of cake. But, a "circumstance" happened, and she needed a ride to make it on time. I was spending the day with a friend and told her she had plenty of time to map out the route and get there. With her pass.</span></p><p><span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black">She admit (or lied) that she lost it, and I'm a bad mom for not accommodating. She still had <em>hours</em> to figure it out.</span></p><p><span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black">She shows up at my mom's house, has her take her to our house to let her in while I'm gone (she's not allowed here when we're gone), has my mom drive her to work, scams her out of $100 (said she borrowed money or drugs, not sure, and owes someone who has a gun and is threatening to kill her).</span></p><p><span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black">If it is true, I'm scared to death. I'm at the point where I just want to drop myself into a hole and pull the dirt over me. I'm having a hard time functioning.</span></p><p><span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black">If it isn't true, I don't know. I suspect she's using and lying like she always has. I don't know what to think anymore. She's good at making everything that looks like a huge mess seem normal, and I just don't know what way is up.</span></p><p><span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black">So my mom and I are on a rocky road. My mom has basically seeming to tell me she's on my daughter's "side" in a way. My rules are harsh, my approach is too stiff. She figures if it were true, then it is good to take care of, and if it isn't oh well. But how could she not give it to her?</span></p><p><span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black">She basically allows herself to be manipulated, and then lets me suffer the mess. A **** bucket, she calls it. Once she told me that my dad ****buckets. He does and does he does (even if it isn't helpful) and then he just stops doing, and everyone is left with a mess. I'm not blaming her for everything my daughter does, but I don't understand. I just don't get it.</span></p><p><span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black">I don't even know if this rambling makes sense. I just know I'm so spent. Depressed. I'm not functioning to well anymore, to be honest. I feel like things are just insurmountable at this point. SO thankful I have a counseling appointment. tomorrow AND a psychiatric one. I think I'm ready for medications. I hate it, but I think I am.</span></p><p><span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black">What can I do about my relationship with my mother? We were so close, and now there's a strain there constantly.</span></p><p><span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Bean, post: 376237, member: 8620"] [COLOR=black]My parents, despite not having my daughter living with them anymore, continue to enable her. Small example: Two weeks ago, my mom and I went in on a 30-day, unlimited bus pass for my daughter. The deal was, she would have it, be responsible for it and it would last a month. But we were no longer going to give her rides. My daughter loves to "make a crisis" and then persuade everyone to drop their lives to accommodate hers. Today (2 weeks later), she's supposed to go to her job (one she was "fired from, and then hired back"). Three hours, 5-8pm. Piece of cake. But, a "circumstance" happened, and she needed a ride to make it on time. I was spending the day with a friend and told her she had plenty of time to map out the route and get there. With her pass. She admit (or lied) that she lost it, and I'm a bad mom for not accommodating. She still had [I]hours[/I] to figure it out. She shows up at my mom's house, has her take her to our house to let her in while I'm gone (she's not allowed here when we're gone), has my mom drive her to work, scams her out of $100 (said she borrowed money or drugs, not sure, and owes someone who has a gun and is threatening to kill her). If it is true, I'm scared to death. I'm at the point where I just want to drop myself into a hole and pull the dirt over me. I'm having a hard time functioning. If it isn't true, I don't know. I suspect she's using and lying like she always has. I don't know what to think anymore. She's good at making everything that looks like a huge mess seem normal, and I just don't know what way is up. So my mom and I are on a rocky road. My mom has basically seeming to tell me she's on my daughter's "side" in a way. My rules are harsh, my approach is too stiff. She figures if it were true, then it is good to take care of, and if it isn't oh well. But how could she not give it to her? She basically allows herself to be manipulated, and then lets me suffer the mess. A **** bucket, she calls it. Once she told me that my dad ****buckets. He does and does he does (even if it isn't helpful) and then he just stops doing, and everyone is left with a mess. I'm not blaming her for everything my daughter does, but I don't understand. I just don't get it. I don't even know if this rambling makes sense. I just know I'm so spent. Depressed. I'm not functioning to well anymore, to be honest. I feel like things are just insurmountable at this point. SO thankful I have a counseling appointment. tomorrow AND a psychiatric one. I think I'm ready for medications. I hate it, but I think I am. What can I do about my relationship with my mother? We were so close, and now there's a strain there constantly. [/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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