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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 186363" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>I know it had to hurt to hear what MWM and Jo had to say but, in many ways, they are right. No matter why your son wanted his daughter to hit bottom, he wanted family members to respect his wishes. It is so very, very hard to do this to our kids. We love them, we want them to succeed, to fulfill all the dreams we had for them when they were little. </p><p> </p><p>Sadly, for some of our kids that's just not possible. They are mentally ill and refuse to stay on medications. They find drugs and steal from us, our friends, other family members. They think rules are for everyone but them. They are violent and willing to hurt us, their siblings, pets and anyone else who stands in their way. As parents, we've tried everything humanly possible to get these wayward children the help they need. Finally, it reaches a point where the only choice is to force them to help themselves. When someone else steps in and helps our child, we get angry -- at worst, they've defeated the only chance our child has to succeed; at best, they've delayed our child seeing the light. Yes, we do understand the dangers facing our child and they sicken us. We stay awake nights pacing and crying. We have to stop ourselves from finding our child and bringing him/her home right then and there regardless of the past. We pray for strength for us and for our child.</p><p> </p><p>I do believe you can make things right with your son. Let him know that you realize now what he was trying to do and how very sorry you are that you didn't see that earlier. Vow to not help your granddaughter again unless he says it is okay. Talk to him and ask how you can help. Would it be helpful if you left the door open for your granddaughter to have someone to talk to, to go to an occasional lunch and then relay info to him? Would it be better to cut all contact? Follow his wishes. By doing this, you'll be helping your granddaughter far more than you did by seeing she had money, etc.</p><p> </p><p>Also, try to find out if your son is seeing someone or attending meetings (Al-Anon, NA, whatever). It is hard to have your child on the streets without getting some support along the way. By sympathetic to what is going on in his life, see if you can gently steer him to talking to someone in a professional capacity if he is not doing so.</p><p> </p><p>Support him but don't interfere. Respect his wishes even when you don't agree wth them. He's trying to save his daughter from herself. It is a very hard, painful thing to do and even more so when your family refuses to stand by you.</p><p> </p><p>I'm sorry for you pain and I'm glad you're not willing to give up on maintaining contact with your son. I hope your granddaughter hits her bottom soon so that she can start fightng her way back up. My deepest sympathy to all of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 186363, member: 3626"] I know it had to hurt to hear what MWM and Jo had to say but, in many ways, they are right. No matter why your son wanted his daughter to hit bottom, he wanted family members to respect his wishes. It is so very, very hard to do this to our kids. We love them, we want them to succeed, to fulfill all the dreams we had for them when they were little. Sadly, for some of our kids that's just not possible. They are mentally ill and refuse to stay on medications. They find drugs and steal from us, our friends, other family members. They think rules are for everyone but them. They are violent and willing to hurt us, their siblings, pets and anyone else who stands in their way. As parents, we've tried everything humanly possible to get these wayward children the help they need. Finally, it reaches a point where the only choice is to force them to help themselves. When someone else steps in and helps our child, we get angry -- at worst, they've defeated the only chance our child has to succeed; at best, they've delayed our child seeing the light. Yes, we do understand the dangers facing our child and they sicken us. We stay awake nights pacing and crying. We have to stop ourselves from finding our child and bringing him/her home right then and there regardless of the past. We pray for strength for us and for our child. I do believe you can make things right with your son. Let him know that you realize now what he was trying to do and how very sorry you are that you didn't see that earlier. Vow to not help your granddaughter again unless he says it is okay. Talk to him and ask how you can help. Would it be helpful if you left the door open for your granddaughter to have someone to talk to, to go to an occasional lunch and then relay info to him? Would it be better to cut all contact? Follow his wishes. By doing this, you'll be helping your granddaughter far more than you did by seeing she had money, etc. Also, try to find out if your son is seeing someone or attending meetings (Al-Anon, NA, whatever). It is hard to have your child on the streets without getting some support along the way. By sympathetic to what is going on in his life, see if you can gently steer him to talking to someone in a professional capacity if he is not doing so. Support him but don't interfere. Respect his wishes even when you don't agree wth them. He's trying to save his daughter from herself. It is a very hard, painful thing to do and even more so when your family refuses to stand by you. I'm sorry for you pain and I'm glad you're not willing to give up on maintaining contact with your son. I hope your granddaughter hits her bottom soon so that she can start fightng her way back up. My deepest sympathy to all of you. [/QUOTE]
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