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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 266779" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Drop me and Dude in the basket that says - if it works for normal situations it will not work for us. </p><p> </p><p>Mainstream kids who are able to discern quicker than our kids right from wrong - may benefit and have shown us historically that if Johnny the football captain gets a D- he can't start the football game Friday night, but will sit on the bench until his grade improves. </p><p> </p><p>Learning Disability (LD) and ED kids are able to discern right from wrong but if you look at my son I SWEAR it took 15 years for him to stop touching the stove when you said it was hot - he'd still touch it. SO to take Dude and deny him the one thing that he was good at, that we could encourage him in - that HE could feel a sense of accomplishment and normalcy in ? BIG MISTAKE. </p><p> </p><p>Dude had the attention span of a gnat. (Swear) so giving him long term goals and long term punishments NEVER worked. They would backfire everytime. Backfire to the point that you would SWEAR he sabotaged his situation to GET the punishment. Then once in punishment? He'd up the fire; do more bizarre behavior, break even MORE rules and if I had grounded him by the rule of 5 minutes for every year of age he is - then at 18 he would STILL be sitting in time out JUST for the bad behaviors he committed when he was in 2nd grade......no joke. </p><p> </p><p>And like every parent the minute you figure out what that favorite toy, doll or game is? THAT seems to be what you hyperfocus on. It becomes like an obsession to TAKE THAT THING away from them. SURELY taking THAT thing away will change the behavior! But nope. Either you start to wonder whether your kid even LIKES ANYTHING at all - or you start to belive your kid is such an evil genius he won't divulge which toy or game or bike or anything is his favorite. I always ALWAYS felt like he was ONE step ahead of me - and probably was. </p><p> </p><p>Taking away things from Dude - solidified the same behaviors his biofather demonstrated with him as a baby - so for us - it was a struggle to say "No one is going to take anything from you or hurt you." and yet find the (ONE THING) that got his attention......we never found it. We spent years looking but unlike that movie National Treasure - we never found gold. INstead we found Tums BOGO at the Walgreens and stocked up. </p><p> </p><p>What did seem to help was figuring out that our kids like INSTANT gratification - and starting with that thought and backing away from those ideas so you didn't end up with and ED kid with BRAT syndrome....But you have to start somewhere. SO work on short term goals, with instant rewards and short term punishments. It's the way that their brains work - and eventually with this cycle you can stretch each goal, reward, or punishment a little longer, a little longer and a little longer until eventually they get it. IT takes a lifetime. </p><p> </p><p>Also as goofy as this sounds - try the exercise I posted about for Autistic kids in the NEWS section - My Mom is gaining years of clarity - and it's helping me too. The difference in MR and Aspergers and autistic kids that are doign this - and just run of the mill folks with bad memories....and have great improvement after 1 week. </p><p> </p><p>Best of luck - Hugs to our girl.....and RUN LIKE THE WIND ALLY!!!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 266779, member: 4964"] Drop me and Dude in the basket that says - if it works for normal situations it will not work for us. Mainstream kids who are able to discern quicker than our kids right from wrong - may benefit and have shown us historically that if Johnny the football captain gets a D- he can't start the football game Friday night, but will sit on the bench until his grade improves. Learning Disability (LD) and ED kids are able to discern right from wrong but if you look at my son I SWEAR it took 15 years for him to stop touching the stove when you said it was hot - he'd still touch it. SO to take Dude and deny him the one thing that he was good at, that we could encourage him in - that HE could feel a sense of accomplishment and normalcy in ? BIG MISTAKE. Dude had the attention span of a gnat. (Swear) so giving him long term goals and long term punishments NEVER worked. They would backfire everytime. Backfire to the point that you would SWEAR he sabotaged his situation to GET the punishment. Then once in punishment? He'd up the fire; do more bizarre behavior, break even MORE rules and if I had grounded him by the rule of 5 minutes for every year of age he is - then at 18 he would STILL be sitting in time out JUST for the bad behaviors he committed when he was in 2nd grade......no joke. And like every parent the minute you figure out what that favorite toy, doll or game is? THAT seems to be what you hyperfocus on. It becomes like an obsession to TAKE THAT THING away from them. SURELY taking THAT thing away will change the behavior! But nope. Either you start to wonder whether your kid even LIKES ANYTHING at all - or you start to belive your kid is such an evil genius he won't divulge which toy or game or bike or anything is his favorite. I always ALWAYS felt like he was ONE step ahead of me - and probably was. Taking away things from Dude - solidified the same behaviors his biofather demonstrated with him as a baby - so for us - it was a struggle to say "No one is going to take anything from you or hurt you." and yet find the (ONE THING) that got his attention......we never found it. We spent years looking but unlike that movie National Treasure - we never found gold. INstead we found Tums BOGO at the Walgreens and stocked up. What did seem to help was figuring out that our kids like INSTANT gratification - and starting with that thought and backing away from those ideas so you didn't end up with and ED kid with BRAT syndrome....But you have to start somewhere. SO work on short term goals, with instant rewards and short term punishments. It's the way that their brains work - and eventually with this cycle you can stretch each goal, reward, or punishment a little longer, a little longer and a little longer until eventually they get it. IT takes a lifetime. Also as goofy as this sounds - try the exercise I posted about for Autistic kids in the NEWS section - My Mom is gaining years of clarity - and it's helping me too. The difference in MR and Aspergers and autistic kids that are doign this - and just run of the mill folks with bad memories....and have great improvement after 1 week. Best of luck - Hugs to our girl.....and RUN LIKE THE WIND ALLY!!!!!! [/QUOTE]
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