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Need some stiffening of the backbone...or open to opinions of the group
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 651754" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>He and I are on the same page, trying to help each other through this and stay strong.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This was the most startling and newest thought of the day to me...funny how we can hear something over and over and not hear it...people have posted about this before, but this time a light bulb went off in my head...Cedar is right!!!!! I MAY NOT KNOW HIM. (SO says to tell you thank you and he loves you, Cedar)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, this is very clear to me. That was the thought I was holding foremost in my mind yestarday. The day was complicated by distressing news about one of my teen easy child's...ongoing and worsening school failure... and I felt my little life raft in the sea tipping over slowly...I thought...I can't go down on all this.</p><p></p><p>The sad thing is I used to throw myself into drink, or running, or my SO's arms...and I no longer feel like running in that way is the thing that is needed. I didn't think it would help. Which left me standing, empty handed, arms open, palms forward. (alright, SO's hug was nice). Just..waiting. Experiencing. Wondering if I would drown. Putting one foot in front of the other.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Lucy, my mom, who was of english descent and cherished those traditions, ALWAYS said that...and she was right. I am surprisingly better this morning. I made dinner for the kids last night...the process of chopping and mixing and spreading and baking took an hour, and that helped. My daughter came home from college (she is in school 2000 miles away) for a week...I picked her up at the airport, and had a light late dinner with her..and that helped. This morning I walked my dogs and nuzzled my cat...and that helped.</p><p></p><p>And the posts helped. Especially Cedar's comment about not knowing him..that stopped me in my spinning tracks.</p><p></p><p>Also the fact that my younger son's new therapist sent him home with a vial of some homeopathic drops to put in water...that seemed so funny it also cheered me up.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>MWM, I've heard you say this before. My Difficult Child was part of Occupy, and I have to ay that the core group was really devoted, and smart, and had some surprising people including doctors and lawyers in the mix. They reminded me sometimes of the cute young intense guys in Les Miserables. So it wasn't all as you imagine. All revolutions start with a motley group of scufflers. YOu never know where some resistance will lead.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes. There is something that makes me feel horrible trapped, tied down, paralyzed about that combination. My mind keeps doing what I do, which is reaching for a solution, and all reaches come back empty...no bail. He will just run. Maybe pay for a better lawyer? but we don't want him out. We want him to feel cared for, not abandoned, AND TO PAY HIS DUES. Nothing I can do will change that.</p><p></p><p>I suppose there is the possibility that no one will actually come forward to press charges and all will be moot...drunks on St. Patricks Day, who knows? I may be stealing myself against...nothing.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I am so very very grateful for that. That and making turkey pot pie got me through the night. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I will. Not soon. My ex (his dad) will too. When we are able. For now I'll accept his calls, once or twice a day, not more, and soon to be left.</p><p></p><p>He is the captain of his fate. His life over the last four years lead him inexorably to this place. He is the captain of how he manages this going forward..how he survives, what if anything he learns, how he manages. That is where I am today.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 651754, member: 17269"] He and I are on the same page, trying to help each other through this and stay strong. This was the most startling and newest thought of the day to me...funny how we can hear something over and over and not hear it...people have posted about this before, but this time a light bulb went off in my head...Cedar is right!!!!! I MAY NOT KNOW HIM. (SO says to tell you thank you and he loves you, Cedar) Yes, this is very clear to me. That was the thought I was holding foremost in my mind yestarday. The day was complicated by distressing news about one of my teen easy child's...ongoing and worsening school failure... and I felt my little life raft in the sea tipping over slowly...I thought...I can't go down on all this. The sad thing is I used to throw myself into drink, or running, or my SO's arms...and I no longer feel like running in that way is the thing that is needed. I didn't think it would help. Which left me standing, empty handed, arms open, palms forward. (alright, SO's hug was nice). Just..waiting. Experiencing. Wondering if I would drown. Putting one foot in front of the other. Lucy, my mom, who was of english descent and cherished those traditions, ALWAYS said that...and she was right. I am surprisingly better this morning. I made dinner for the kids last night...the process of chopping and mixing and spreading and baking took an hour, and that helped. My daughter came home from college (she is in school 2000 miles away) for a week...I picked her up at the airport, and had a light late dinner with her..and that helped. This morning I walked my dogs and nuzzled my cat...and that helped. And the posts helped. Especially Cedar's comment about not knowing him..that stopped me in my spinning tracks. Also the fact that my younger son's new therapist sent him home with a vial of some homeopathic drops to put in water...that seemed so funny it also cheered me up. MWM, I've heard you say this before. My Difficult Child was part of Occupy, and I have to ay that the core group was really devoted, and smart, and had some surprising people including doctors and lawyers in the mix. They reminded me sometimes of the cute young intense guys in Les Miserables. So it wasn't all as you imagine. All revolutions start with a motley group of scufflers. YOu never know where some resistance will lead. Yes. There is something that makes me feel horrible trapped, tied down, paralyzed about that combination. My mind keeps doing what I do, which is reaching for a solution, and all reaches come back empty...no bail. He will just run. Maybe pay for a better lawyer? but we don't want him out. We want him to feel cared for, not abandoned, AND TO PAY HIS DUES. Nothing I can do will change that. I suppose there is the possibility that no one will actually come forward to press charges and all will be moot...drunks on St. Patricks Day, who knows? I may be stealing myself against...nothing. I am so very very grateful for that. That and making turkey pot pie got me through the night. I will. Not soon. My ex (his dad) will too. When we are able. For now I'll accept his calls, once or twice a day, not more, and soon to be left. He is the captain of his fate. His life over the last four years lead him inexorably to this place. He is the captain of how he manages this going forward..how he survives, what if anything he learns, how he manages. That is where I am today. Echo [/QUOTE]
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Need some stiffening of the backbone...or open to opinions of the group
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