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Parent Emeritus
Need some stiffening of the backbone...or open to opinions of the group
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 651859" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Oh Carri. Your post brought back every painful memory and I could have written what you wrote word for word---sentence for sentence----myself. Isn't it almost crazily ironic how similar the paths are? How we experience exactly the same things with our adult children, us all, spread out across the world? There is something eerie and thankfully, very uniting, in that. We are not alone in our unrelenting pain. </p><p></p><p>Today, now that difficult child is working and in an apartment, here is my experience: when a strange number pops up on my phone, my first thought is: did he get arrested and and this is a new jail number? </p><p></p><p>If I don't hear from him for a few days I wonder: did he get fired? Is he in jail? Is he okay?</p><p></p><p>I don't trust his progress. I want to, but I don't. Ugh. PTSD---remnants of it. I wonder if I will ever trust the good things, or will I only trust that something bad will happen again. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Maybe this is part of the path, part of the journey. I don't know. We can't know. If ex and new wife are bound and determined to "do something" they will do it, and we will have to watch them do it. </p><p></p><p>There is nothing good about this part. The not knowing, the what should I do, if anything? the if this, then that. The not doing anything. All of it is incredibly hard. It takes all of our energy. </p><p></p><p>And we still have to function.</p><p></p><p>So...Echo...I am so glad that you have the bustle and activity of your other kids, and of SO and of your work...and you have gratitude for it all...in the middle of all of this.</p><p></p><p>So glad for that.</p><p></p><p>You can take a break from the phone calls, Echo. I remember when difficult child was in jail one time and calling me and telling me he was bleeding from the rectum but they didn't believe him and the whole commode was full of blood, and they wouldn't let him see a doctor.</p><p></p><p>You may remember that I called the jail, and his dad called the jail, and we were about ready to march on that jail, and I talked to the nurse, and she said she was on the situation, and would take care of it.</p><p></p><p>That is all I ever heard about it from that point forward. who knows what really happened or if it was exactly as he said and they actually helped him after we called.</p><p></p><p>I have no idea. Through all of this, I have been humbled in new ways. I have experienced the complete letting go---not all the time---I can't achieve it all the time---but for moments. My hands are empty and open, and I have nothing but my love to offer, and I do that silently. </p><p></p><p>There is something incredibly terrifying and incredibly freeing about it. Completely letting go.</p><p></p><p>Our culture doesn't support that. We are the get-it-done culture, generation, country. We can do ALL things. Just watch us.</p><p></p><p>Turning from that, that which I have practiced all of my life, is an incredible first step, in and of itself. And actually having a few moments of complete powerlessness is an incredible experience.</p><p></p><p>Wishing a good day for you today, Echo. We are holding you close here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 651859, member: 17542"] Oh Carri. Your post brought back every painful memory and I could have written what you wrote word for word---sentence for sentence----myself. Isn't it almost crazily ironic how similar the paths are? How we experience exactly the same things with our adult children, us all, spread out across the world? There is something eerie and thankfully, very uniting, in that. We are not alone in our unrelenting pain. Today, now that difficult child is working and in an apartment, here is my experience: when a strange number pops up on my phone, my first thought is: did he get arrested and and this is a new jail number? If I don't hear from him for a few days I wonder: did he get fired? Is he in jail? Is he okay? I don't trust his progress. I want to, but I don't. Ugh. PTSD---remnants of it. I wonder if I will ever trust the good things, or will I only trust that something bad will happen again. Maybe this is part of the path, part of the journey. I don't know. We can't know. If ex and new wife are bound and determined to "do something" they will do it, and we will have to watch them do it. There is nothing good about this part. The not knowing, the what should I do, if anything? the if this, then that. The not doing anything. All of it is incredibly hard. It takes all of our energy. And we still have to function. So...Echo...I am so glad that you have the bustle and activity of your other kids, and of SO and of your work...and you have gratitude for it all...in the middle of all of this. So glad for that. You can take a break from the phone calls, Echo. I remember when difficult child was in jail one time and calling me and telling me he was bleeding from the rectum but they didn't believe him and the whole commode was full of blood, and they wouldn't let him see a doctor. You may remember that I called the jail, and his dad called the jail, and we were about ready to march on that jail, and I talked to the nurse, and she said she was on the situation, and would take care of it. That is all I ever heard about it from that point forward. who knows what really happened or if it was exactly as he said and they actually helped him after we called. I have no idea. Through all of this, I have been humbled in new ways. I have experienced the complete letting go---not all the time---I can't achieve it all the time---but for moments. My hands are empty and open, and I have nothing but my love to offer, and I do that silently. There is something incredibly terrifying and incredibly freeing about it. Completely letting go. Our culture doesn't support that. We are the get-it-done culture, generation, country. We can do ALL things. Just watch us. Turning from that, that which I have practiced all of my life, is an incredible first step, in and of itself. And actually having a few moments of complete powerlessness is an incredible experience. Wishing a good day for you today, Echo. We are holding you close here. [/QUOTE]
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Need some stiffening of the backbone...or open to opinions of the group
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