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Parent Emeritus
Need soundingboard; the line of normality
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 653890" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Answer to that it complex. I'm certainly not detached, not in the "it will be what it will be"-way. I do watch, I do observe, I do think and I try to influence to things to what I think is a right direction. It just is, that I have to be rather careful and stealthy in how I do it.</p><p></p><p>When we have time and Ache is calm, I can reason with him. I can explain my ideas and opinions and make him think things. If careful, I can usher him to the direction I think is best. To be honest, I could likely browbeat him to a lot of things. We have good relationship in some ways and he trusts me. but of course browbeating him to anything would maybe make him do it, but do it to prove I'm wrong, this would be counter-productive. It would also hurt his trust on me. So I'm more cunning. I talk with him, listen to him, introduce ideas, lead him to bring up things I want him to consider himself and so on.</p><p></p><p>Because I really do not want to run his life for him, I try to stay away from things that are not my business, but his health and basic well-being still feel like my business too.</p><p></p><p>Currently I'm working on him recognizing self hurt as maladaptive coping mechanism and trying to make him think that it is something he absolutely needs to take high to his agenda when he goes back to therapy in May. While him hurting himself does freak me out, showing that to him would not be way to go, nor would be confronting him. That would simply make him withdraw. So I'm trying to introduce an idea that it is just a maladaptive behavioural pattern, nothing big and shameful he needs to hide from everyone, but just something he needs to work with his therapist to find better methods for.</p><p></p><p>But you are right, it is very difficult to pinpoint what are the real worrisome behaviours and what are just his quirkiness.</p><p></p><p>But to be frank, I'm also always worried about suicide with him. If that would feel an immediate risk, I would be forced to act more directly. Contact his psychiatrist or of course take him to ER if it were an immediate situation. But that would harm the trust he has on me. So I try to influence him in less obvious ways.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 653890, member: 14557"] Answer to that it complex. I'm certainly not detached, not in the "it will be what it will be"-way. I do watch, I do observe, I do think and I try to influence to things to what I think is a right direction. It just is, that I have to be rather careful and stealthy in how I do it. When we have time and Ache is calm, I can reason with him. I can explain my ideas and opinions and make him think things. If careful, I can usher him to the direction I think is best. To be honest, I could likely browbeat him to a lot of things. We have good relationship in some ways and he trusts me. but of course browbeating him to anything would maybe make him do it, but do it to prove I'm wrong, this would be counter-productive. It would also hurt his trust on me. So I'm more cunning. I talk with him, listen to him, introduce ideas, lead him to bring up things I want him to consider himself and so on. Because I really do not want to run his life for him, I try to stay away from things that are not my business, but his health and basic well-being still feel like my business too. Currently I'm working on him recognizing self hurt as maladaptive coping mechanism and trying to make him think that it is something he absolutely needs to take high to his agenda when he goes back to therapy in May. While him hurting himself does freak me out, showing that to him would not be way to go, nor would be confronting him. That would simply make him withdraw. So I'm trying to introduce an idea that it is just a maladaptive behavioural pattern, nothing big and shameful he needs to hide from everyone, but just something he needs to work with his therapist to find better methods for. But you are right, it is very difficult to pinpoint what are the real worrisome behaviours and what are just his quirkiness. But to be frank, I'm also always worried about suicide with him. If that would feel an immediate risk, I would be forced to act more directly. Contact his psychiatrist or of course take him to ER if it were an immediate situation. But that would harm the trust he has on me. So I try to influence him in less obvious ways. [/QUOTE]
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Need soundingboard; the line of normality
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