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Parent Emeritus
need support group to stop enabling 18 yr old difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 246321"><p>I like many of the ideas presented here. </p><p>Read books suggested, consider Parent's Anonymous and/or Al Anon. Perhaps attend both meetings. Get help!</p><p>Strongly encourage your daughter to go to a program like Alcoholics Anonymous.</p><p>Does your daughter go to therapy? I would encourage and pay for this.</p><p>As long as her hours don't fall below 10 hours a week, right this moment, I wouldn't necessarily worry about this much...provided that she is going to AA meetings regularly and taking them seriously. That is the big caveat.</p><p>If she is actively working on improving herself, this will take time and energy and she will also want to do a good job at the job she already has.</p><p>Keep in mind...this would be a termporary thing...and with the understanding that she would be in treatment of some kind and working hard toward improvement. And she should also be expected to be actively partipating in household responsibilities and be respectful to you. She would be expected to end the drug use. These are givens. If she can't get her act together and do it relatively quickly...I would change the plan and change it soon. Altnernative arrangements should be made. You need to protect yourself and your other child. She is 18. You can only protect her for so long. YOu can make the offer of therapy and also offer to pay or help pay for it, you can guide her to AA, you can offer your home with caveats...but only she can make the choices necessary that will bring about succeess.</p><p>Assuming she makes the effort to go to AA (or a program like it) and cooperates with you...then I wouldn't worry too much about the 10 hour a week job right now.</p><p>Perhaps in six months or by age 19 (these are just arbitrary really...but in some reasonable period of time that makes sense) she should be expected to seek full time employment and pay rent.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 246321"] I like many of the ideas presented here. Read books suggested, consider Parent's Anonymous and/or Al Anon. Perhaps attend both meetings. Get help! Strongly encourage your daughter to go to a program like Alcoholics Anonymous. Does your daughter go to therapy? I would encourage and pay for this. As long as her hours don't fall below 10 hours a week, right this moment, I wouldn't necessarily worry about this much...provided that she is going to AA meetings regularly and taking them seriously. That is the big caveat. If she is actively working on improving herself, this will take time and energy and she will also want to do a good job at the job she already has. Keep in mind...this would be a termporary thing...and with the understanding that she would be in treatment of some kind and working hard toward improvement. And she should also be expected to be actively partipating in household responsibilities and be respectful to you. She would be expected to end the drug use. These are givens. If she can't get her act together and do it relatively quickly...I would change the plan and change it soon. Altnernative arrangements should be made. You need to protect yourself and your other child. She is 18. You can only protect her for so long. YOu can make the offer of therapy and also offer to pay or help pay for it, you can guide her to AA, you can offer your home with caveats...but only she can make the choices necessary that will bring about succeess. Assuming she makes the effort to go to AA (or a program like it) and cooperates with you...then I wouldn't worry too much about the 10 hour a week job right now. Perhaps in six months or by age 19 (these are just arbitrary really...but in some reasonable period of time that makes sense) she should be expected to seek full time employment and pay rent. [/QUOTE]
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need support group to stop enabling 18 yr old difficult child
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