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Substance Abuse
Need support- heart broken
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 758174" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Your son has no business being so far away, of his own choice, then expect you to find his glasses virtually. I know this sounds harsh but he is being a jerk. in my opinion it would be best not to answer most of his phone calls, and I'd turn my phone off completely from 9pm until 8am. The calls don't change him. His wishes never happen. He is.a grown man and he can fix himself without you. Maybe being available to talk to him so often keeps him from getting help. If he had to deal alone maybe he would go to rehab. Maybe not. But he is being enabled by grandparents and by you and hub constantly jumping to talk to him while he is not doing things to get clean. That includes rehab and therapy. You are not therapists. You are too emotionally involved to be useful to his recovery. All of us are in the same boat. Trust me, we all get it. We care. We feel for your hurting heart.</p><p></p><p>Although you want your son closer, how would that change him? You probably care more about his being alone or about the holidays than he does. Right now sadly his company is his substance of choice. Nothing you say or do will change him. But there is hope for you and your husband and even the grandparents. I know it first hand. Only took me a decade <img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="😳" title="Flushed face :flushed:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/1f633.png" data-shortname=":flushed:" />. Yes, a decade. Don't wait that long please.</p><p></p><p>Have you tried Al Anon? Right now many meetings are on Zoom so you don't even need to go in person. The only person you can change is yourself and your reaction to your addict. Maybe order an Al Anon book on Amazon and read it first. Al Anon is an eye opener with tons of coping tools that work...if you truly want to be in a better place. Your better coping skills could wear off on your son. Or not. But you need to know how to live a good life even while loving an addict. We all do. Easy? No! Possible? YES!!!</p><p></p><p>The only way to change things are to learn new ways to deal. This dance never changes and so far nobody has been helped by the same old dance. It was the same for me. The very same.</p><p></p><p>I send you love and hugs. I hope you can take steps forward. Your son is living the way he wants with bonus points from the grands. YOU can live better. Read an Al Anon book and try the tools!</p><p></p><p>Prayers and be well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 758174, member: 23706"] Your son has no business being so far away, of his own choice, then expect you to find his glasses virtually. I know this sounds harsh but he is being a jerk. in my opinion it would be best not to answer most of his phone calls, and I'd turn my phone off completely from 9pm until 8am. The calls don't change him. His wishes never happen. He is.a grown man and he can fix himself without you. Maybe being available to talk to him so often keeps him from getting help. If he had to deal alone maybe he would go to rehab. Maybe not. But he is being enabled by grandparents and by you and hub constantly jumping to talk to him while he is not doing things to get clean. That includes rehab and therapy. You are not therapists. You are too emotionally involved to be useful to his recovery. All of us are in the same boat. Trust me, we all get it. We care. We feel for your hurting heart. Although you want your son closer, how would that change him? You probably care more about his being alone or about the holidays than he does. Right now sadly his company is his substance of choice. Nothing you say or do will change him. But there is hope for you and your husband and even the grandparents. I know it first hand. Only took me a decade 😳. Yes, a decade. Don't wait that long please. Have you tried Al Anon? Right now many meetings are on Zoom so you don't even need to go in person. The only person you can change is yourself and your reaction to your addict. Maybe order an Al Anon book on Amazon and read it first. Al Anon is an eye opener with tons of coping tools that work...if you truly want to be in a better place. Your better coping skills could wear off on your son. Or not. But you need to know how to live a good life even while loving an addict. We all do. Easy? No! Possible? YES!!! The only way to change things are to learn new ways to deal. This dance never changes and so far nobody has been helped by the same old dance. It was the same for me. The very same. I send you love and hugs. I hope you can take steps forward. Your son is living the way he wants with bonus points from the grands. YOU can live better. Read an Al Anon book and try the tools! Prayers and be well. [/QUOTE]
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