It sounds like you and husband have both had it with difficult child and what he is doing to your homelife, you are just handling it in different ways, and it seems like neither one of you think the other is handling it right.
When my husband and I went to counseling during the height of our difficult child's addiction, she told me that my husband and I both had a right to feel what we felt and that we needed to stay out of each others relationships with difficult child. Does that make sense? I hated the way husband treated difficult child and I was so afraid of what it was doing to their relationship, and she told me it was none of my business and to step back and allow their relationship to be what it was, and to just worry about my relationship with my difficult child. Basically what she was saying was, you have no right to tell anyone else how to feel or think, just as they have no right to tell you. Your feelings are your own. Not quite sure if I'm explaining this right. I think you and husband need to get some counseling so you can be on the same page as to what you should do about the living situation with difficult child, but you also need to learn to respect each others feelings and not try and change them.
You are both very resentful and angry over difficult child, and I think husband sees that though you are trying to detatch, it is still killing you and he is probably more resentful of difficult child then you are because of this. You are working more to get away from things and this probably makes husband even more resentful because not only is difficult child sucking the life out of you when you are home, now he's causing you to be home less.
It's a very stressful situation. I have been there and took some serious counseling for husband and I to pull it together and be able to deal with difficult child in a productive healthy way, together!!
I don't know what the answer is for you and I'm sorry you are hurting so much. Like I said, I was there once and I get a knot in my stomach when I hear what others are dealing with because it brings me right back like it was yesterday. Our difficult child didn't turn himself around until we stopped doing for him and made him do it for himself. Believe me, he's not perfect, but he's come a long way and so have husband and I.
