Things were a little easier for me hearthope, when I understood that things were never going to feel "right" while there was a crisis brewing with one of the kids. There is no right way to be, there is no way to bring happiness in, there is no way to behave as though what is happening isn't tearing us apart. What we can do though, is prioritize. You have a court date coming up for difficult child. You know already what your own questions surrounding that issue are. It sounds like you have prepared as best you know, and it sounds as though you are an attentive and loving mother (in that your response to difficult child treatment notebook was an empathic and understanding one).
So, you have done everything you need to do.
Now, before you know how the court date will come out, take husband to dinner or for a drive in the car or out for a drink or a walk or whatever you like. Reconnect with him, with your marriage and with yourself, on purpose ~ whether you think you feel like it or not, it will give you the strength you need to make it through whatever is coming next difficult child-wise.
Keep posting about it hearthope.
Wishing well.
Barbara
