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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 76316" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>The last thing I would recommend you to do is to do a very concrete exercise. Either take a picture of you and your son - 2 separate pics - or draw 2 separate pictures of yourselves. Make them pretty big, blow them up so that they are even lifesize if you can.</p><p></p><p>Then I would suggest writing on the picture of your boy all he is capable of. Just list all the things he can and is able to do as a person, as an individual. You know, like, great cook, made A's in photography, loves animals. Black and white facts about what he is capable of doing as X the man. </p><p>"Frank is smart. Frank is funny. Frank is ABCD." That makes sense?</p><p></p><p>Then do the same with your picture. Right now all the things you are good at, and capable of. Black and white, tangible things, that have nothing to do with you as a mother, but you as a person.</p><p>"I am a successful business woman. I am a caring loving person. I love Ben and Jerry's ice cream." OK?</p><p></p><p>Now take these 2 separate pictures and hang your's somewhere like in the bathroom, or your bedroom. And hang your son's on the outside of his bedroom door. </p><p></p><p>Now every time you feel yourself feeling the tug of worrying, enabling, caring, or fixing things for your son I want you to walk to the picture of your kid and read <em>all</em> the thing he is capable of!</p><p></p><p>Do you see anywhere on his list something he is NOT capable? NO! </p><p></p><p>Do you see anywhere on his list where he needs <em>you</em> in order to be complete? NO! </p><p></p><p>Do you see anywhere on his list where it is required that you intervene in order for him to be OK? NO</p><p></p><p>Because he is a whole, complete, and functional human being <em>without</em> you.</p><p></p><p>Now walk back to your picture and read all of the things you are capable of and proud of in your own right. Stay by that picture until you can feel the tug of worry, enabling, and fear release itself from your mental grip. Stay there reading about you......only you. Once you feel the grip of enabling subside - THEN -</p><p>Go outside and go do something for you! It must be a treat of some sort, something only you love to do. Go shop, go to the park, go get a bite to eat - but you have to get out of the house - and do something <em>just</em> for you.</p><p></p><p>I challenge you to do this for one week, and in this order, and see where it leads you. Then let us know how it goes.</p><p></p><p>We will be thinking of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 76316, member: 3301"] The last thing I would recommend you to do is to do a very concrete exercise. Either take a picture of you and your son - 2 separate pics - or draw 2 separate pictures of yourselves. Make them pretty big, blow them up so that they are even lifesize if you can. Then I would suggest writing on the picture of your boy all he is capable of. Just list all the things he can and is able to do as a person, as an individual. You know, like, great cook, made A's in photography, loves animals. Black and white facts about what he is capable of doing as X the man. "Frank is smart. Frank is funny. Frank is ABCD." That makes sense? Then do the same with your picture. Right now all the things you are good at, and capable of. Black and white, tangible things, that have nothing to do with you as a mother, but you as a person. "I am a successful business woman. I am a caring loving person. I love Ben and Jerry's ice cream." OK? Now take these 2 separate pictures and hang your's somewhere like in the bathroom, or your bedroom. And hang your son's on the outside of his bedroom door. Now every time you feel yourself feeling the tug of worrying, enabling, caring, or fixing things for your son I want you to walk to the picture of your kid and read [i]all[/i] the thing he is capable of! Do you see anywhere on his list something he is NOT capable? NO! Do you see anywhere on his list where he needs [i]you[/i] in order to be complete? NO! Do you see anywhere on his list where it is required that you intervene in order for him to be OK? NO Because he is a whole, complete, and functional human being [i]without[/i] you. Now walk back to your picture and read all of the things you are capable of and proud of in your own right. Stay by that picture until you can feel the tug of worry, enabling, and fear release itself from your mental grip. Stay there reading about you......only you. Once you feel the grip of enabling subside - THEN - Go outside and go do something for you! It must be a treat of some sort, something only you love to do. Go shop, go to the park, go get a bite to eat - but you have to get out of the house - and do something [i]just[/i] for you. I challenge you to do this for one week, and in this order, and see where it leads you. Then let us know how it goes. We will be thinking of you. [/QUOTE]
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