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Need to run away
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 692430" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Blaming us is both typical and ridicules. We aren't buying the drugs or forcing it into them. And even if it were true that Johnny got more privileges and positive talk than Joey, this is not your forcing Joey to go on a pity party and take drugs. It's his decision. He is now eighteen and you can't force him to do anything, but you can set boundaries.</p><p></p><p>You can insist he work, go to rehab, anything you are comfortable with really...or your stipulation can be that if he wants to do whatever he wants, he can't live with you or get money from you. Most choose homelessness rather than growing up, but many eventually get tired of the drug life and do grow up, but not under our roof where they terrorize everyone. Parents seem to make adult children stay child like and we easily fall into "mommy" mode by trying to fix them and doing things for them (cooking, cleaning their room, laundry) that they should be doing themselves. They are too old to need a mommy. They benefit from a mature friendship and love from a mother, not a mommy</p><p></p><p></p><p>They should never have power over us. It is good for both you and him for him to learn he can lose your monetary/housing support unless he listens to your rules. Your house/your sanctuary/your rules, not his until he pays all your bills. That is real life.</p><p></p><p>The price of remaining dependent on anyone, regardless of age, is that you either respect their rules or they can decide to cut you off.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you are going through this. If he breaks the law, if it were me, I'd call the cops. We can't rescue them forever. Its not helping them for us to be a white knight and to let them get away with abusing us, stealing from us, assaulting us or our home, or taking illegal drugs in our home. And if you don't like pot and it's legal where you live, in your own sanctuary you can ban all forms of smoking. We do that. Nobody smokes anything here and nobody gets drunk and stays either. In others homes we abide by their rules and we expect the same in our home from others, kids included.</p><p></p><p>You actually hold all the cards, but your son is manipulating you and his lies are making you feel guilty.</p><p></p><p>A good therapist may help guide you through coping with this son. Good luck! Post again <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 692430, member: 1550"] Blaming us is both typical and ridicules. We aren't buying the drugs or forcing it into them. And even if it were true that Johnny got more privileges and positive talk than Joey, this is not your forcing Joey to go on a pity party and take drugs. It's his decision. He is now eighteen and you can't force him to do anything, but you can set boundaries. You can insist he work, go to rehab, anything you are comfortable with really...or your stipulation can be that if he wants to do whatever he wants, he can't live with you or get money from you. Most choose homelessness rather than growing up, but many eventually get tired of the drug life and do grow up, but not under our roof where they terrorize everyone. Parents seem to make adult children stay child like and we easily fall into "mommy" mode by trying to fix them and doing things for them (cooking, cleaning their room, laundry) that they should be doing themselves. They are too old to need a mommy. They benefit from a mature friendship and love from a mother, not a mommy They should never have power over us. It is good for both you and him for him to learn he can lose your monetary/housing support unless he listens to your rules. Your house/your sanctuary/your rules, not his until he pays all your bills. That is real life. The price of remaining dependent on anyone, regardless of age, is that you either respect their rules or they can decide to cut you off. I am sorry you are going through this. If he breaks the law, if it were me, I'd call the cops. We can't rescue them forever. Its not helping them for us to be a white knight and to let them get away with abusing us, stealing from us, assaulting us or our home, or taking illegal drugs in our home. And if you don't like pot and it's legal where you live, in your own sanctuary you can ban all forms of smoking. We do that. Nobody smokes anything here and nobody gets drunk and stays either. In others homes we abide by their rules and we expect the same in our home from others, kids included. You actually hold all the cards, but your son is manipulating you and his lies are making you feel guilty. A good therapist may help guide you through coping with this son. Good luck! Post again :) [/QUOTE]
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