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<blockquote data-quote="Sister's Keeper" data-source="post: 692441" data-attributes="member: 20051"><p>Hi Peanut,</p><p></p><p>My go to advice, from my own experience, is find a Nar-Anon meeting. They are a great source of support. You will be amazed to find out how many people out there are living the same life you are. </p><p></p><p>Other things: Addicts are manipulators. They manipulate you in all aspects of life. Especially emotionally. Every single addict I've ever had the "pleasure" to know has played the blame game. My own sister told me it was my fault because I took her kids away from her. The problem with that being, she was an addict long before she had kids, and the state took her kids away. I kept them out of foster care. You have to let the B.S. they spew when high or actively using go in one ear and out the other. It's not coming from a clear mind.</p><p></p><p>One of the big things AA/NA teaches in regards to relapse is "people, places, and things." How people and places relate to relapse is obvious. If you are around drugs or people using drugs, you are going to use. Things is a little more difficult. What you can tell you husband, and he is coming from a place of kindness, is, in my experience the 2 biggest things I have seen lead to relapse is 1) Money. That is pretty obvious. You have money to buy drugs. You don't have to steal or hustle or con or prostitute. (yeah things are pretty ugly in my world). 2) Vehicles. It just seems that once an addict that isn't pretty far into recovery gets a vehicle they relapse. One woman in my group her daughter was using her car as a hack cab to earn money for drugs. One girl was lending her car to drug dealers in exchange for drugs. Both found this out when they had to get the car out of impound. On the surface, and most simply, if you have transportation it is easier to go get drugs. When you have to take a bus, or train, or subway you have more time to think about what you are doing. I don't even need to mention the liability of driving under the influence, especially if the car is in your name.</p><p></p><p>The other thing is limit setting, and that is the hardest thing to do. To say, "You have to leave, and I am not going to do anything more for you other than wish you good luck." All of us have struggled and still struggle with this. Where to draw the line between enabling and helping. I wasn't willing to cut my sister off until she stole the ridiculously expensive special formula her heroin addicted daughter, whom I have custody of, needed and sold it for drug money. </p><p></p><p>You may be at an impasse. It may have come to the point where you have to tell your son "get help or get out." It's a heck of a hard thing to do. </p><p></p><p>Try to get your ducks in a row. Cal your insurance company. Find out what inpatient treatment they will pay for. Call the treatment centers, find out what needs to be done. Many have counselors who will be very helpful on the phone. Then sit down with your son and say, "Here is the plan, take it or leave it, but you can't stay here if you are using drugs." </p><p></p><p>Mind, that it often doesn't work when you force them into treatment, but I always hold out hope that something will stick, and eventually all those pieces will get patched together.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sister's Keeper, post: 692441, member: 20051"] Hi Peanut, My go to advice, from my own experience, is find a Nar-Anon meeting. They are a great source of support. You will be amazed to find out how many people out there are living the same life you are. Other things: Addicts are manipulators. They manipulate you in all aspects of life. Especially emotionally. Every single addict I've ever had the "pleasure" to know has played the blame game. My own sister told me it was my fault because I took her kids away from her. The problem with that being, she was an addict long before she had kids, and the state took her kids away. I kept them out of foster care. You have to let the B.S. they spew when high or actively using go in one ear and out the other. It's not coming from a clear mind. One of the big things AA/NA teaches in regards to relapse is "people, places, and things." How people and places relate to relapse is obvious. If you are around drugs or people using drugs, you are going to use. Things is a little more difficult. What you can tell you husband, and he is coming from a place of kindness, is, in my experience the 2 biggest things I have seen lead to relapse is 1) Money. That is pretty obvious. You have money to buy drugs. You don't have to steal or hustle or con or prostitute. (yeah things are pretty ugly in my world). 2) Vehicles. It just seems that once an addict that isn't pretty far into recovery gets a vehicle they relapse. One woman in my group her daughter was using her car as a hack cab to earn money for drugs. One girl was lending her car to drug dealers in exchange for drugs. Both found this out when they had to get the car out of impound. On the surface, and most simply, if you have transportation it is easier to go get drugs. When you have to take a bus, or train, or subway you have more time to think about what you are doing. I don't even need to mention the liability of driving under the influence, especially if the car is in your name. The other thing is limit setting, and that is the hardest thing to do. To say, "You have to leave, and I am not going to do anything more for you other than wish you good luck." All of us have struggled and still struggle with this. Where to draw the line between enabling and helping. I wasn't willing to cut my sister off until she stole the ridiculously expensive special formula her heroin addicted daughter, whom I have custody of, needed and sold it for drug money. You may be at an impasse. It may have come to the point where you have to tell your son "get help or get out." It's a heck of a hard thing to do. Try to get your ducks in a row. Cal your insurance company. Find out what inpatient treatment they will pay for. Call the treatment centers, find out what needs to be done. Many have counselors who will be very helpful on the phone. Then sit down with your son and say, "Here is the plan, take it or leave it, but you can't stay here if you are using drugs." Mind, that it often doesn't work when you force them into treatment, but I always hold out hope that something will stick, and eventually all those pieces will get patched together. [/QUOTE]
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