Peanut,
Welcome , sorry for your need to be here. This forum as helped me so much and I know will help you too. It's just so good to know you're not alone and to have a place to vent and get advice.
Tough love is so hard to do. Detachment is the hardest thing in the world, has been for me . Sounds like you're on the right track with demanding your son change or move out. Just make sure whatever you tell your son that you always stick to what you say. This is something I've struggled with for sure.
My son started out with marjuana also and somehow convinced me that it wasn't that big of deal. He wasn't living in my home (he was away at college) or never did this around me but I was helping support him to live on his own. My son is recently clean after going to rehab but ended up a heroin addict. I knew something wasn't right and demanded drug test which he refused to take convincing me I was a terrible mother for asking him to take so I stopped giving money but I still enabled by providing a car( that he totaled and got a DUI) insurance, cell phone. When we provide anything for our drug abusing children then they can use their money for drugs. My son was using the car to transport drug dealers from another state and bringing them to the small college town where he lives to sell drugs for 3-4 days then he would take them back. They would give him gas money , pay him and give him drugs. No wonder he didn't need my money. So smart decision about the car on your part.
We all understand what you're going through here. I highly recommend you go to alanon meetings and even start seeing a counselor that specializes in drugs and alcohol. Also keep posting here it really helps.
