Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Need wisdom/advice/opinions of the great minds of the board.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 431290" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Hmm, its a dicey spot. I too would wonder why she waited 6 months, and it would seem to be out of the blue to just get a message from her now. What comes to my mind is she felt that way (offended and protective of her parents) and deleted you so she no longer had to read it. But also didn't have the courage or confidence to message you at the time to explain it. Then time goes by and she's probably wondering what you might be thinking of her, maybe she just wanted to not be offended by her reading this any longer so deleted you but also didn't want to offend you by telling you it was offensive and she might have just froze. Suddenly 6 months has past and where you just formed a detachment, it might have been really bother her. That she never wanted offense between you and her, and didn't want to upset her brother, and now couldn't cope any more with the bridge between you all so she finally grabbed the courage and fired off a message/olive branch. She seemed in her message to be striving to express that because its her parents, it caused her upset/offense, but that also she wanted to recognize you have a right to your feelings and opinions re: her parents and didn't want to seem controlling of what you say or feel. Family dynamics are awkward. Often I've stayed quiet to some of S/O's family for the same reason. I get why they feel/say certain things but I really don't want to hear it because I feel awkward or in the middle or upset by it all. And the few times I've tried diplomatically to ask not to hear about this stuff anymore, it in my case has never ended with the person understanding my diplomacy, rather they have gotten defensive and hostile. It has often prevented me from speaking diplomatically on future things simply for fear of backlash I didn't intend or want to warrant. </p><p></p><p>I'd message her back, keep it light. Not a bonding message, not a fluffing off either. In the middle, allowing you to remain quite detached but respectful. In the end, its your sister in law, and you're stuck with her role in the family. I'd answer simply: Thank you for your message. I thank you for respecting my right to my feelings and opinions on this topic of your parents and I too understand they are your parent and I can see how it might have upset you (although it was not my intent). I will certainly say hello to X (your husband). I am glad you felt comfortable clearing this up with me as you need not have been worried I would have become defensive. Take care. Signed XYZ</p><p></p><p>No open ended gushy attempt to create a relationship. No disrespect for her opinion. Expressing that you accept her explanation, see her side but also don't apologize for your own feelings/opinions. Passing the message along to hubby, and take care (which is not shunning her but not inviting massive dialogue either). </p><p></p><p>People sometimes just don't handle a situation well, out of fear of how they come across if they had told you the truth of where they stand on something. I think if you just ignore it, it is a reason for people to point a finger at you that you don't need in your life. They would wonder why you aren't seeing their point since they respected (even if it took 6 months) your point. There's nothing saying you have to form some online ongoing contact etc.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 431290, member: 4264"] Hmm, its a dicey spot. I too would wonder why she waited 6 months, and it would seem to be out of the blue to just get a message from her now. What comes to my mind is she felt that way (offended and protective of her parents) and deleted you so she no longer had to read it. But also didn't have the courage or confidence to message you at the time to explain it. Then time goes by and she's probably wondering what you might be thinking of her, maybe she just wanted to not be offended by her reading this any longer so deleted you but also didn't want to offend you by telling you it was offensive and she might have just froze. Suddenly 6 months has past and where you just formed a detachment, it might have been really bother her. That she never wanted offense between you and her, and didn't want to upset her brother, and now couldn't cope any more with the bridge between you all so she finally grabbed the courage and fired off a message/olive branch. She seemed in her message to be striving to express that because its her parents, it caused her upset/offense, but that also she wanted to recognize you have a right to your feelings and opinions re: her parents and didn't want to seem controlling of what you say or feel. Family dynamics are awkward. Often I've stayed quiet to some of S/O's family for the same reason. I get why they feel/say certain things but I really don't want to hear it because I feel awkward or in the middle or upset by it all. And the few times I've tried diplomatically to ask not to hear about this stuff anymore, it in my case has never ended with the person understanding my diplomacy, rather they have gotten defensive and hostile. It has often prevented me from speaking diplomatically on future things simply for fear of backlash I didn't intend or want to warrant. I'd message her back, keep it light. Not a bonding message, not a fluffing off either. In the middle, allowing you to remain quite detached but respectful. In the end, its your sister in law, and you're stuck with her role in the family. I'd answer simply: Thank you for your message. I thank you for respecting my right to my feelings and opinions on this topic of your parents and I too understand they are your parent and I can see how it might have upset you (although it was not my intent). I will certainly say hello to X (your husband). I am glad you felt comfortable clearing this up with me as you need not have been worried I would have become defensive. Take care. Signed XYZ No open ended gushy attempt to create a relationship. No disrespect for her opinion. Expressing that you accept her explanation, see her side but also don't apologize for your own feelings/opinions. Passing the message along to hubby, and take care (which is not shunning her but not inviting massive dialogue either). People sometimes just don't handle a situation well, out of fear of how they come across if they had told you the truth of where they stand on something. I think if you just ignore it, it is a reason for people to point a finger at you that you don't need in your life. They would wonder why you aren't seeing their point since they respected (even if it took 6 months) your point. There's nothing saying you have to form some online ongoing contact etc. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Need wisdom/advice/opinions of the great minds of the board.
Top