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Substance Abuse
Need Words of Strength Now More Than Ever!
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 743116" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This is more than sad. It is tragic.</p><p></p><p>But the thing is this: As I read this I am getting some clarity about my own life. Son is trapped in addiction. I truly believe it is not him that is doing this to himself. It is the drug that is doing it to him. But he is caught in its vortex and he has no perspective outside of the eye of the storm.</p><p></p><p>How different is this than for all of us, who are contained in our lives, while we persist in believing that we have control? I am not saying there is no freewill. I am saying that freewill is not what we think it is. I am thinking that freewill sometimes is not to fight, not to impose. It is to be contained, it is to stop resisting and to be carried.</p><p></p><p>In the case of your son, it is clear. Life has offered him this ride to recovery. In the form of a reduced prison sentence where he can heal, get services, and re-connect with his life and his strengths. I pray he will permit himself to take this ride. There are no downsides. These are only the figment of his drug-fueled will or fear.</p><p></p><p>In our case, it is so much harder. Because I do not see how to surrender. How to let go. If the very lives of our adult children are at stake, it means our lives too are threatened. Because I have not yet found a way to not feel that my son's life is to some extent my own. I have not found a way to let go, and to save myself, to the exclusion of him. You see I still believe that there is some power or agency I have in his life, as if I have control. I do not.</p><p></p><p>But in this last post of yours, I see a glimmer of possibility. We would wish that your son surrender to his life, which does not mean to surrender to the drugs, but means to surrender to this offer of being transported through it, by means of the court's offer...and thereby owning his goodness, and deservingness, and freeing himself from the Hell of self-condemnation that just leads to more drugs and more despair. He is a victim. He is not the perpetrator. If he were to rest, he could be in touch with that goodness. It is there.</p><p></p><p>So what would it be for us, to do the same? To relax into our lives and to be carried by them. Not to think of one pole or another, but to rest and to let it be? To find some peace in resting. My personality is so far removed from this concept that it hardly seems possible. But as I read your post I do not see another option. What would it be to rest into life? For us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 743116, member: 18958"] This is more than sad. It is tragic. But the thing is this: As I read this I am getting some clarity about my own life. Son is trapped in addiction. I truly believe it is not him that is doing this to himself. It is the drug that is doing it to him. But he is caught in its vortex and he has no perspective outside of the eye of the storm. How different is this than for all of us, who are contained in our lives, while we persist in believing that we have control? I am not saying there is no freewill. I am saying that freewill is not what we think it is. I am thinking that freewill sometimes is not to fight, not to impose. It is to be contained, it is to stop resisting and to be carried. In the case of your son, it is clear. Life has offered him this ride to recovery. In the form of a reduced prison sentence where he can heal, get services, and re-connect with his life and his strengths. I pray he will permit himself to take this ride. There are no downsides. These are only the figment of his drug-fueled will or fear. In our case, it is so much harder. Because I do not see how to surrender. How to let go. If the very lives of our adult children are at stake, it means our lives too are threatened. Because I have not yet found a way to not feel that my son's life is to some extent my own. I have not found a way to let go, and to save myself, to the exclusion of him. You see I still believe that there is some power or agency I have in his life, as if I have control. I do not. But in this last post of yours, I see a glimmer of possibility. We would wish that your son surrender to his life, which does not mean to surrender to the drugs, but means to surrender to this offer of being transported through it, by means of the court's offer...and thereby owning his goodness, and deservingness, and freeing himself from the Hell of self-condemnation that just leads to more drugs and more despair. He is a victim. He is not the perpetrator. If he were to rest, he could be in touch with that goodness. It is there. So what would it be for us, to do the same? To relax into our lives and to be carried by them. Not to think of one pole or another, but to rest and to let it be? To find some peace in resting. My personality is so far removed from this concept that it hardly seems possible. But as I read your post I do not see another option. What would it be to rest into life? For us. [/QUOTE]
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