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Need words of wisdom please!
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 310044" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Welcome Kittylover <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p><p> </p><p>I most certainly understand you worry and your fear. been there done that with Nichole. She was extremely unstable when she became pregnant with Aubrey.....and mature wasn't a word I'd use with her at that point for sure.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /></p><p> </p><p>My first thought is that everyone is suspecting some sort of delay with your daughter. Has she ever been thoroughly tested by a neuropsychologist evaluation? If not, and you can get her to cooperate, it would be a very good idea. I'm suspecting you have other issues going on that as yet have not been diagnosed. Not MR per se......but perhaps a developmental disorder that is causing her to lag so far behind her peers. You might want to research the autism spectrum and see if it rings true for her anywhere. </p><p> </p><p>That said, I was scared to death when Nichole was pregnant. She was 16, unstable, uncooperative with treatment (I was dragging her to it). I thought about adoption for about 5 mins. Abortion wasn't even an option. Nichole can barely bring herself to give up an animal and grieves for it for years.......I knew in my heart she would never be able to live with either of the adoption or abortion options.</p><p> </p><p>So I worried horribly. But decided to make the best out of a bad situation. I gave her as much responsibility as possible thru the entire pregnancy. doctor appoints and such were hers to make......I went along just cuz I'm Mom....and had to give my permission. She had to immediately STOP all medications!!! (make sure daughter does this!) It was a ntiemare. Somehow we got thru it......but I've never been more glad to see a baby come into the world. lmao doctor gave her back her first dose of medications in the delivery room. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p><p> </p><p>From the get go, Aubrey was Nichole's responsibility. She was Mommy, I was Nana.....around only for advice. I did not feed, did not diaper, did not dress, did not bathe, did not get up in the middle of the night with the baby. There were times when that was very hard to keep to. But I knew if I let myself do anything with the normal care of the baby I stood a high risk of Nichole backing off and resuming her "teen" role....and I'd find myself stuck in the mother role. That was the last thing I wanted.</p><p> </p><p>After a bad bout of post partum depression.......BiPolar (BP) Mom's are much more prone to this.......in which she needed to be hospitalized for, Nichole learned and bonded with Aubrey. Aubrey gave her the desire and motivation to do whatever it took to become stable. She became pro-active in her treatment program. Took over making her own psychiatrist appointments and her own medications. And she did acheive stability.</p><p> </p><p>She is also a devoted loving mother, and a mighty good one. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /> She did her Mom proud.</p><p> </p><p>What could've been a disaster turning into a blessing. Nichole says if it hadn't been for Aubrey, she might never have had the motivation to work toward becoming stable and growing up. She firmly believes Aubrey saved her from the worst in herself.</p><p> </p><p>in my opinion your daughter has very strong and valid reasons for wanting this baby. I'd drop talk about adoption. If you push too hard it's going to put a wedge between you and that's the last thing you need at this point. Instead, use this situation to help motivate her to learn to do the things she needs to become a successful good parent, and a stable parent. This is something she wants very much to learn, <strong><em>that</em></strong> will make all the difference.</p><p> </p><p>Make certain doctor gets her <strong><em>OFF</em></strong> her medications as they are harmful to the fetus. That's going to be the hardest part.......pregnancy with no medications. *shudder* </p><p> </p><p>I very much understand your worry and fear. But I wanted to let you know that an unplanned pregnancy is not always the disaster many people believe it to be. Sometimes it can be the miracle that brings out the very best in a person.</p><p> </p><p>I hope that is the case for your daughter as well. She wants to be a good mother. You can help her become the best mother she can be. She already has one big plus in her corner....YOU!</p><p> </p><p>I hope you take advantage of the board during this time. I doubt I'd have survived the process with Nichole if it hadn't been for all the wonderful people here.</p><p> </p><p>((hugs))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 310044, member: 84"] Welcome Kittylover :happy: I most certainly understand you worry and your fear. been there done that with Nichole. She was extremely unstable when she became pregnant with Aubrey.....and mature wasn't a word I'd use with her at that point for sure.:raspberry-tounge: My first thought is that everyone is suspecting some sort of delay with your daughter. Has she ever been thoroughly tested by a neuropsychologist evaluation? If not, and you can get her to cooperate, it would be a very good idea. I'm suspecting you have other issues going on that as yet have not been diagnosed. Not MR per se......but perhaps a developmental disorder that is causing her to lag so far behind her peers. You might want to research the autism spectrum and see if it rings true for her anywhere. That said, I was scared to death when Nichole was pregnant. She was 16, unstable, uncooperative with treatment (I was dragging her to it). I thought about adoption for about 5 mins. Abortion wasn't even an option. Nichole can barely bring herself to give up an animal and grieves for it for years.......I knew in my heart she would never be able to live with either of the adoption or abortion options. So I worried horribly. But decided to make the best out of a bad situation. I gave her as much responsibility as possible thru the entire pregnancy. doctor appoints and such were hers to make......I went along just cuz I'm Mom....and had to give my permission. She had to immediately STOP all medications!!! (make sure daughter does this!) It was a ntiemare. Somehow we got thru it......but I've never been more glad to see a baby come into the world. lmao doctor gave her back her first dose of medications in the delivery room. :happy: From the get go, Aubrey was Nichole's responsibility. She was Mommy, I was Nana.....around only for advice. I did not feed, did not diaper, did not dress, did not bathe, did not get up in the middle of the night with the baby. There were times when that was very hard to keep to. But I knew if I let myself do anything with the normal care of the baby I stood a high risk of Nichole backing off and resuming her "teen" role....and I'd find myself stuck in the mother role. That was the last thing I wanted. After a bad bout of post partum depression.......BiPolar (BP) Mom's are much more prone to this.......in which she needed to be hospitalized for, Nichole learned and bonded with Aubrey. Aubrey gave her the desire and motivation to do whatever it took to become stable. She became pro-active in her treatment program. Took over making her own psychiatrist appointments and her own medications. And she did acheive stability. She is also a devoted loving mother, and a mighty good one. :D She did her Mom proud. What could've been a disaster turning into a blessing. Nichole says if it hadn't been for Aubrey, she might never have had the motivation to work toward becoming stable and growing up. She firmly believes Aubrey saved her from the worst in herself. in my opinion your daughter has very strong and valid reasons for wanting this baby. I'd drop talk about adoption. If you push too hard it's going to put a wedge between you and that's the last thing you need at this point. Instead, use this situation to help motivate her to learn to do the things she needs to become a successful good parent, and a stable parent. This is something she wants very much to learn, [B][I]that[/I][/B] will make all the difference. Make certain doctor gets her [B][I]OFF[/I][/B] her medications as they are harmful to the fetus. That's going to be the hardest part.......pregnancy with no medications. *shudder* I very much understand your worry and fear. But I wanted to let you know that an unplanned pregnancy is not always the disaster many people believe it to be. Sometimes it can be the miracle that brings out the very best in a person. I hope that is the case for your daughter as well. She wants to be a good mother. You can help her become the best mother she can be. She already has one big plus in her corner....YOU! I hope you take advantage of the board during this time. I doubt I'd have survived the process with Nichole if it hadn't been for all the wonderful people here. ((hugs)) [/QUOTE]
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