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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 744852" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Please Stop hurting yourself financially to clean up his messes. You’ve already paid way too much. Give only what you can comfortably and cheerfully and what will go towards something that will help him move forward towards greater independence. Don’t throw good money after bad in the illusion that ‘if we only help this one more time’ it will be the last time, or because you’re afraid to let him face the consequences of a damaged credit rating. Please don’t take out any more equity loans or credit card debt and please please please don’t take anything out of your retirement. </p><p></p><p>In my opinion, parents should never pay things they can’t afford and aren’t legally obligated to pay. If the kids destroy their credit rating or have people pursue them in court, that’s on them. Not your circus. And if they make choices that result in them being homeless ... its hard but they need to learn to connect the dots between their choices and their circumstances. Your son may have to declare bankruptcy, live in housing circumstances he would prefer not to, take on additnal work, and do other unpleasant things to clean up his messes. It it NOT your responsibility to do this for him!</p><p></p><p>This is a ‘put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others’ situation. Will he be there to help you if you destroy your financial future trying to help him? Doubtful. Who helps you if you go under? What happens if you take on all this debt on his behalf and then you end up unemployed or disabled and can’t make the payments? What if you have a large unexpected home repair bill or the car dies and you don’t have savings to cover it because you spent it all on him? How will you ever help him in the future if you’re in a hole of your own?</p><p></p><p>Don’t go down the hole with him. Throw him a lifeline if you’re able, but don’t let him pull you down.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 744852, member: 23349"] Please Stop hurting yourself financially to clean up his messes. You’ve already paid way too much. Give only what you can comfortably and cheerfully and what will go towards something that will help him move forward towards greater independence. Don’t throw good money after bad in the illusion that ‘if we only help this one more time’ it will be the last time, or because you’re afraid to let him face the consequences of a damaged credit rating. Please don’t take out any more equity loans or credit card debt and please please please don’t take anything out of your retirement. In my opinion, parents should never pay things they can’t afford and aren’t legally obligated to pay. If the kids destroy their credit rating or have people pursue them in court, that’s on them. Not your circus. And if they make choices that result in them being homeless ... its hard but they need to learn to connect the dots between their choices and their circumstances. Your son may have to declare bankruptcy, live in housing circumstances he would prefer not to, take on additnal work, and do other unpleasant things to clean up his messes. It it NOT your responsibility to do this for him! This is a ‘put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others’ situation. Will he be there to help you if you destroy your financial future trying to help him? Doubtful. Who helps you if you go under? What happens if you take on all this debt on his behalf and then you end up unemployed or disabled and can’t make the payments? What if you have a large unexpected home repair bill or the car dies and you don’t have savings to cover it because you spent it all on him? How will you ever help him in the future if you’re in a hole of your own? Don’t go down the hole with him. Throw him a lifeline if you’re able, but don’t let him pull you down. [/QUOTE]
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