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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 744887" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Lots of people are rich too. Many can afford ro pay fully for college. So.should I have done that too even though I would have had to take out a huge loan or rob a bank or sell my house and live in a tent?My kids took out loans. If many parents jumped off a cliff, would you?</p><p></p><p>Did this counselor tell you the truth, that many people cant go to their place because most people dont have extra money to pay for it? Thatmany of the paid for adults dont quit and their parents eventually go broke and the kid is still addicted? No they dont tell tou that. They want your money. Neither your son or you are their priority. This is a business. Money comes first. Its part of tje job to keep you paying.</p><p></p><p>You seem to perhaps be a bit more susceptible to hearing that someone else did it. If you hear that, then you somehow think you should too.</p><p></p><p>That isnt true. All the rehabs and sober livings have not done the job for your son. Are you Donald Trump rich? If not why do you think going broke will help your addicted son?</p><p></p><p> Let him go to a very cheap place, find meetings and work more hours. IOP isnt helping him quit and he is using it as an excuse for you to support his arse as if he were still 14.</p><p></p><p>He has to want to quit. Period</p><p> He will when he wants to. Not before. No matter how much you spend.</p><p></p><p>If you ARE rich enough, you can keep sending him to expensive rehabs and hope one of them comes at a time when he is sick of his life and wants ro quit. Because until he wants to he wont. That goes for growing up and caring about YOUR needs too.</p><p></p><p>His nasty guilt baby rants show a lack of empatjy and no desire to change on any front. What would you tell another loved one in your shoes? What advice would you give that mother? Step back and look at the situation. As it is.As he is. As your financial situation allows.</p><p></p><p>He will not jump in to care for you if you get sick and broke. That isnt who he is rigjt now. He may never be. Your own health must come first.</p><p></p><p>I know I have said this before but its</p><p>really your choice. If you feel it is reasonable to keep throwing money at his addiction and excuses and get sick yourself and lose every dime then you will do this. We camt make you take care of your basic needs.</p><p></p><p>But I hope you start looking at this a different way. Most parents dont do this, cant afford to do this. The adult addict is expensive and until he wants to be a real adult all the money on eath wont make him do it if the Bank of Mom will do it for him. Just how it works. The addict will want more and more money from the Bank of Mom until it shuts the doors. Then he will get toddler angry but he will know things have changed.</p><p></p><p>Drop the guilt please. You have helped hom already more than most can afford to help and he is not getting better. Its on him.</p><p></p><p>Love and light!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 744887, member: 1550"] Lots of people are rich too. Many can afford ro pay fully for college. So.should I have done that too even though I would have had to take out a huge loan or rob a bank or sell my house and live in a tent?My kids took out loans. If many parents jumped off a cliff, would you? Did this counselor tell you the truth, that many people cant go to their place because most people dont have extra money to pay for it? Thatmany of the paid for adults dont quit and their parents eventually go broke and the kid is still addicted? No they dont tell tou that. They want your money. Neither your son or you are their priority. This is a business. Money comes first. Its part of tje job to keep you paying. You seem to perhaps be a bit more susceptible to hearing that someone else did it. If you hear that, then you somehow think you should too. That isnt true. All the rehabs and sober livings have not done the job for your son. Are you Donald Trump rich? If not why do you think going broke will help your addicted son? Let him go to a very cheap place, find meetings and work more hours. IOP isnt helping him quit and he is using it as an excuse for you to support his arse as if he were still 14. He has to want to quit. Period He will when he wants to. Not before. No matter how much you spend. If you ARE rich enough, you can keep sending him to expensive rehabs and hope one of them comes at a time when he is sick of his life and wants ro quit. Because until he wants to he wont. That goes for growing up and caring about YOUR needs too. His nasty guilt baby rants show a lack of empatjy and no desire to change on any front. What would you tell another loved one in your shoes? What advice would you give that mother? Step back and look at the situation. As it is.As he is. As your financial situation allows. He will not jump in to care for you if you get sick and broke. That isnt who he is rigjt now. He may never be. Your own health must come first. I know I have said this before but its really your choice. If you feel it is reasonable to keep throwing money at his addiction and excuses and get sick yourself and lose every dime then you will do this. We camt make you take care of your basic needs. But I hope you start looking at this a different way. Most parents dont do this, cant afford to do this. The adult addict is expensive and until he wants to be a real adult all the money on eath wont make him do it if the Bank of Mom will do it for him. Just how it works. The addict will want more and more money from the Bank of Mom until it shuts the doors. Then he will get toddler angry but he will know things have changed. Drop the guilt please. You have helped hom already more than most can afford to help and he is not getting better. Its on him. Love and light! [/QUOTE]
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