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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 751029" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think you are correct to have your guard up. Rebuilding relationships does not come from badgering, insensitivity or Facebook.</p><p></p><p>But he can only act from who he is right now. He reaches out this way, because he has no other skills. So he does it his way.</p><p></p><p> I don't question his intent. For whatever reason he feels the need to have family support and assistance to a greater extent.</p><p></p><p>However that does not take away the risk factors. If he has been self-serving, manipulative, deceptive, or aggressive, before, he will be the same way in his efforts to "repair" connections--absent extensive therapy or other intensive work on himself.</p><p></p><p>Until he reveals the why he is doing this, I think second-guessing the why is not helpful to you. You have all of the information that you really need. You know how he has been. You know what he has done. You know what the risks are.</p><p></p><p>He is very, very young. I would not necessarily believe that this diagnosis is writ in stone. I worked in prisons (in Psychiatry) many years and I was hesitant to give this diagnosis, even to hardened criminals. From my experience people in mental health and medicine can be trigger happy with their diagnosing. It is highly subjective and very inconsistent. Which can be hurtful.</p><p></p><p>But the thing is, your son has a baseline of behavior that is a reality. People don't change by uttering magic words. Saying one wants to rebuild does not in fact rebuild. The change for your son will not come from you or your family. Or what he does with you or gets from you. That I guess is what makes me a little scared. He seems to think that the change will come from something that happens with you, or through you.</p><p></p><p>Any change will come from efforts he makes within himself and his life. Over time, and with effort, having nothing at all with rebuilding relationships. So, I guess I am saying that his words are probably "instrumental" a way to get something that he wants.</p><p></p><p>Maybe the thing he wants is love and care. But you are left with the primary obligation to minimize harm to yourselves and your family. I would think about ways you might respond in a self-protective way, if he contacts you directly.</p><p></p><p>But I don't think what he is doing indicates a desire <em>to change himself.</em> It sounds like what he is doing is trying to change his situation. If there have been episodes in the past that have been difficult or conflictual, I would be wary.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 751029, member: 18958"] I think you are correct to have your guard up. Rebuilding relationships does not come from badgering, insensitivity or Facebook. But he can only act from who he is right now. He reaches out this way, because he has no other skills. So he does it his way. I don't question his intent. For whatever reason he feels the need to have family support and assistance to a greater extent. However that does not take away the risk factors. If he has been self-serving, manipulative, deceptive, or aggressive, before, he will be the same way in his efforts to "repair" connections--absent extensive therapy or other intensive work on himself. Until he reveals the why he is doing this, I think second-guessing the why is not helpful to you. You have all of the information that you really need. You know how he has been. You know what he has done. You know what the risks are. He is very, very young. I would not necessarily believe that this diagnosis is writ in stone. I worked in prisons (in Psychiatry) many years and I was hesitant to give this diagnosis, even to hardened criminals. From my experience people in mental health and medicine can be trigger happy with their diagnosing. It is highly subjective and very inconsistent. Which can be hurtful. But the thing is, your son has a baseline of behavior that is a reality. People don't change by uttering magic words. Saying one wants to rebuild does not in fact rebuild. The change for your son will not come from you or your family. Or what he does with you or gets from you. That I guess is what makes me a little scared. He seems to think that the change will come from something that happens with you, or through you. Any change will come from efforts he makes within himself and his life. Over time, and with effort, having nothing at all with rebuilding relationships. So, I guess I am saying that his words are probably "instrumental" a way to get something that he wants. Maybe the thing he wants is love and care. But you are left with the primary obligation to minimize harm to yourselves and your family. I would think about ways you might respond in a self-protective way, if he contacts you directly. But I don't think what he is doing indicates a desire [I]to change himself.[/I] It sounds like what he is doing is trying to change his situation. If there have been episodes in the past that have been difficult or conflictual, I would be wary. [/QUOTE]
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