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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 755595" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>You did exactly the right thing not giving him money and telling him you had none to give. At age 48, you don't owe him a thing. Has he made amends for the gun and personal items he stole from your husband? Paid that back? It sounds like he had a good thing going with that woman who helped him after he was released, and by him staying out late and wasting the opportunity he had with her, stealing from your husband, and now him not having any money, I strongly suspect alcohol/drug abuse . </p><p></p><p>Every dime you give him will feed his addiction or dysfunctional pattern ( if there is no substance abuse ) and will only prolong the inevitable. He will have to come to the end of himself in order to want to change and get help. Every penny you give will enable his dysfunction. Every time you say no, you are helping him. You are bringing him one step closer towards the end of himself . He has to hit bottom before he will want to change and get help .All his options have to run out. </p><p></p><p>I would like to encourage you to seek help for yourself in Al-anon. Focus on you . Have some fun in retirement. Do what brings you joy. You raised him and he has all the inner resources he needs when he is forced to tap into them. Let his Higher Power work in his life which can only happen when you stay out of the way. You did well. </p><p></p><p>Nobody can make us feel guilty without our consent. You have not done anything wrong. Your son is responsible for his life and for his financial affairs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 755595, member: 24254"] You did exactly the right thing not giving him money and telling him you had none to give. At age 48, you don't owe him a thing. Has he made amends for the gun and personal items he stole from your husband? Paid that back? It sounds like he had a good thing going with that woman who helped him after he was released, and by him staying out late and wasting the opportunity he had with her, stealing from your husband, and now him not having any money, I strongly suspect alcohol/drug abuse . Every dime you give him will feed his addiction or dysfunctional pattern ( if there is no substance abuse ) and will only prolong the inevitable. He will have to come to the end of himself in order to want to change and get help. Every penny you give will enable his dysfunction. Every time you say no, you are helping him. You are bringing him one step closer towards the end of himself . He has to hit bottom before he will want to change and get help .All his options have to run out. I would like to encourage you to seek help for yourself in Al-anon. Focus on you . Have some fun in retirement. Do what brings you joy. You raised him and he has all the inner resources he needs when he is forced to tap into them. Let his Higher Power work in his life which can only happen when you stay out of the way. You did well. Nobody can make us feel guilty without our consent. You have not done anything wrong. Your son is responsible for his life and for his financial affairs. [/QUOTE]
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