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New and confused...my introduction...
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 410733" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>As the mother of 4 grown kids and grandmother to 7.......and ran a daycare for years....some of this is actually "normal" behaviors most likely caused by environment, competition with other students, and even picking up on other students bad behavior. I'm not necessarily saying he doesn't have an issue behaviorally. I'm saying be careful not to over analyze the situation and see something in it that isn't really going on, blowing it up out of proportion so to speak.</p><p></p><p>I know it's disturbing when a well behaved child's behavior suddenly seems to change, especially when you don't have experience in which to judge what is still within the normal range. </p><p></p><p>My grandkids Darrin and Aubrey both began preschool early. First year went great......it was mostly playing with the other kids ect. At ages 3 and 4......not so great. Both my daughters began to see their non aggressive kids suddenly acting aggressive and doing things they didn't normally do, both came to me very concerned that they must be doing something wrong or there must be something terribly wrong. But the simple fact is that when our children go off to daycare or preschool they're beginning to branch off into independence. They're exposed to behaviors from both teachers and students they may or may not normally see. So you'll have the "testing the waters" syndrome I call it going on for a while where they'll test both their teachers and parents to see if the same behaviors they see other kids use will work the same for them. Usually consistent parenting will cause this mimicking to subside. (it never really disappears I've found but does vastly improve) Also going on is the new set of rules to adjust to.....and this can be harder for some children than others.......and competition for attention, praise, playthings ect. All normal. But teachers need to also be consistent in how they handle such situations and have enough knowledge of child development to handle it appropriately. </p><p></p><p>The teacher watching a student pounding another student in the back and calling it "playing" does not belong in a preschool setting.......at the very least. That alone sends of an alarm bell as to how much aggression is being tolerated by this teacher before she moves in for discipline and to stop the behavior. If your son is being hit by another child, it is reasonable that he hit the child back. A normal response, especially if teachers are not on top of the situation to stop aggression of other students. Usually sitting down and calming talking to your child can tell you if there is a lot of aggressive behavior in the classroom. There will always be some.......they are preschoolers and impulse control is only beginning to be learned.</p><p></p><p>My grandchildren did begin to suddenly hit other students at ages 3-4, they also started name calling around the same time. Consistent parenting and good preschool teachers nipped it in the bud rather quickly. Although properly provoked both will still hit in self defense, which I'm sorry I don't see as a bad thing. We all need to learn to stand up for ourselves. Darrin even went through a phase of spitting, which both easy child and I find particularly disgusting.....it didn't last long. lol But boys at school were spitting on each other and it took a note from easy child to draw the teacher's attention to it. (they can't catch everything) </p><p></p><p>Since you have concerns with the one preschool teacher would it be doable for you to sit in on a classroom session or two? It might make it easier for you to judge the situation if you can get a clearer picture of what his day is like.</p><p></p><p>And yes being tired will of course make all behavior worse. And honestly, preschool can be exhausting for many kids that age.</p><p></p><p>I'm just saying that of course as parents we want our kids to be good and well behaved, especially in the school setting. And we worry if we're doing our jobs right or missing something big if their normal behavior goes off track. Sometimes there is real reason for worry.........but much of the time it's fairly typical behavior to some extent or something that is going on at school. It's best to step back and investigate the situation as much as possible before assuming one or the other.</p><p></p><p>I'll never forget easy child's first day of kindergarden. Up until that day she and Travis were literally inseparable. She got off the bus, he ran to greet her, she stepped back with a haughty look on her face and said, "I'm in kindergarden, I'm too big to play with YOU anymore!" Totally out of character for my empathetic heart of gold kid.........and broke her brother's heart. We laugh about it now.........but was not so funny at the time. Nor did it last. Three days later they were again spending most of their time together. lol</p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 410733, member: 84"] As the mother of 4 grown kids and grandmother to 7.......and ran a daycare for years....some of this is actually "normal" behaviors most likely caused by environment, competition with other students, and even picking up on other students bad behavior. I'm not necessarily saying he doesn't have an issue behaviorally. I'm saying be careful not to over analyze the situation and see something in it that isn't really going on, blowing it up out of proportion so to speak. I know it's disturbing when a well behaved child's behavior suddenly seems to change, especially when you don't have experience in which to judge what is still within the normal range. My grandkids Darrin and Aubrey both began preschool early. First year went great......it was mostly playing with the other kids ect. At ages 3 and 4......not so great. Both my daughters began to see their non aggressive kids suddenly acting aggressive and doing things they didn't normally do, both came to me very concerned that they must be doing something wrong or there must be something terribly wrong. But the simple fact is that when our children go off to daycare or preschool they're beginning to branch off into independence. They're exposed to behaviors from both teachers and students they may or may not normally see. So you'll have the "testing the waters" syndrome I call it going on for a while where they'll test both their teachers and parents to see if the same behaviors they see other kids use will work the same for them. Usually consistent parenting will cause this mimicking to subside. (it never really disappears I've found but does vastly improve) Also going on is the new set of rules to adjust to.....and this can be harder for some children than others.......and competition for attention, praise, playthings ect. All normal. But teachers need to also be consistent in how they handle such situations and have enough knowledge of child development to handle it appropriately. The teacher watching a student pounding another student in the back and calling it "playing" does not belong in a preschool setting.......at the very least. That alone sends of an alarm bell as to how much aggression is being tolerated by this teacher before she moves in for discipline and to stop the behavior. If your son is being hit by another child, it is reasonable that he hit the child back. A normal response, especially if teachers are not on top of the situation to stop aggression of other students. Usually sitting down and calming talking to your child can tell you if there is a lot of aggressive behavior in the classroom. There will always be some.......they are preschoolers and impulse control is only beginning to be learned. My grandchildren did begin to suddenly hit other students at ages 3-4, they also started name calling around the same time. Consistent parenting and good preschool teachers nipped it in the bud rather quickly. Although properly provoked both will still hit in self defense, which I'm sorry I don't see as a bad thing. We all need to learn to stand up for ourselves. Darrin even went through a phase of spitting, which both easy child and I find particularly disgusting.....it didn't last long. lol But boys at school were spitting on each other and it took a note from easy child to draw the teacher's attention to it. (they can't catch everything) Since you have concerns with the one preschool teacher would it be doable for you to sit in on a classroom session or two? It might make it easier for you to judge the situation if you can get a clearer picture of what his day is like. And yes being tired will of course make all behavior worse. And honestly, preschool can be exhausting for many kids that age. I'm just saying that of course as parents we want our kids to be good and well behaved, especially in the school setting. And we worry if we're doing our jobs right or missing something big if their normal behavior goes off track. Sometimes there is real reason for worry.........but much of the time it's fairly typical behavior to some extent or something that is going on at school. It's best to step back and investigate the situation as much as possible before assuming one or the other. I'll never forget easy child's first day of kindergarden. Up until that day she and Travis were literally inseparable. She got off the bus, he ran to greet her, she stepped back with a haughty look on her face and said, "I'm in kindergarden, I'm too big to play with YOU anymore!" Totally out of character for my empathetic heart of gold kid.........and broke her brother's heart. We laugh about it now.........but was not so funny at the time. Nor did it last. Three days later they were again spending most of their time together. lol Hugs [/QUOTE]
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