For such a short stay at an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I would keep my expectations low. I would look for (1) a complete evaluation preferably by a neuropsychologist to try and pinpoint what is happening (2) medication management - maybe Risperdal is enough, maybe Depakote and Risperdal are better, maybe they want to try another combo, sadly psychiatric medications are a lot of trial and error (3) respite, I would take a full week to catch up on sleep, clean the house, play with the other kids (4) parenting plan, develop a behavior intervention plan that will not only keep everyone safe - it sounds like you already have a safety plan in place - but will actually teach him how to control himself and allow him to express his emotions in a more appropriate manner.
For number 4, I would expect the therapist to meet with you and husband and listen to your concerns, give you some ideas, and guide you in coming up with a plan that is do-able for you. Then I would expect the therapist to set some goals for family therapy that help difficult child learn what the new plan is and gives you a chance to practice it. Then I would expect visits to increase and include a few short trips home and then an overnight or two prior to discharge.
One key is to have your local support in place prior to dischage. Have an appointment set with a therapist for 2-3 days after discharge. Have a psychiatrist appoinment set within the first week. Know the crisis plan! If you want to share anything with the school, try and meet with them before difficult child comes home. Decide what the 'public story' is going to be -- the whole town doesn't need to know his business.
Completely normal, so is cycling through the grief process. This is rough.
