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General Parenting
new and in need of advice please ( sorry -long)
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 233875" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Tuna, I am very sorry you are in this tough position. I know when my bro married a woman with 2 teen sons it was a disaster. Within just a few months both boys went to live with their father, as my bro was very abusive (verbally, not physically, but abuse is abuse. BOTH boys used to talk to me on the phone and in person to try to get help with him.)</p><p></p><p>what my bro didn't understand is that you can't come into a house and just suddenly make the family members do things your way. It really sounds like YOU "get" this point.</p><p></p><p>I think turning things over to your husband regarding your DSS is a very wise move. I also think you should read some books about blended families and step-parenting. From what (very) little I know, most books recommend having the step parent NOT do discipline, but rather let the other parent know about the problem and handle it.</p><p></p><p>I think the way you handled the report card issue was excellent. </p><p></p><p>You also may benefit from reading The Explosive Child. Many of us find it helpful. I also find the Love and Logic books incredibly helpful (mainly because they made sense to my husband, so we could be on the same page). The L&L website is <a href="http://www.loveandlogic.com" target="_blank">www.loveandlogic.com</a> . They have LOTS of books, so look through to see which one would work best for you. I have heard Dr. Fay in person and he is an amazing man. I even found inspiration and help in the stuff for teachers on the website. I found my husband responded excellently to some of their audiobooks - he listened to them in the car on the way to and from work, so he came in with a great attitude, LOL. </p><p></p><p>It is hard to blend a family, and I admire you for taking on this role and for trying to help your DSS.</p><p></p><p>You may even want to print out some of these posts and leave them sitting around for your husband to "find". some of us have gotten through to our spouses this way.</p><p></p><p>Sending gentle hugs and a LOT of support and NO judgement of any kind.</p><p></p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 233875, member: 1233"] Tuna, I am very sorry you are in this tough position. I know when my bro married a woman with 2 teen sons it was a disaster. Within just a few months both boys went to live with their father, as my bro was very abusive (verbally, not physically, but abuse is abuse. BOTH boys used to talk to me on the phone and in person to try to get help with him.) what my bro didn't understand is that you can't come into a house and just suddenly make the family members do things your way. It really sounds like YOU "get" this point. I think turning things over to your husband regarding your DSS is a very wise move. I also think you should read some books about blended families and step-parenting. From what (very) little I know, most books recommend having the step parent NOT do discipline, but rather let the other parent know about the problem and handle it. I think the way you handled the report card issue was excellent. You also may benefit from reading The Explosive Child. Many of us find it helpful. I also find the Love and Logic books incredibly helpful (mainly because they made sense to my husband, so we could be on the same page). The L&L website is [url]www.loveandlogic.com[/url] . They have LOTS of books, so look through to see which one would work best for you. I have heard Dr. Fay in person and he is an amazing man. I even found inspiration and help in the stuff for teachers on the website. I found my husband responded excellently to some of their audiobooks - he listened to them in the car on the way to and from work, so he came in with a great attitude, LOL. It is hard to blend a family, and I admire you for taking on this role and for trying to help your DSS. You may even want to print out some of these posts and leave them sitting around for your husband to "find". some of us have gotten through to our spouses this way. Sending gentle hugs and a LOT of support and NO judgement of any kind. Susie [/QUOTE]
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