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<blockquote data-quote="LJFromOz" data-source="post: 746006" data-attributes="member: 23557"><p>Hi all! It's morning here again and I finally have a chance to respond to all these messages. I think I'll start by clarifying a few details. I think my long rambling post might have not been clear on the current situation.</p><p></p><p>Difficult Child is currently seeing a therapist (he went back to therapy upon his return home after being kicked out by his housemate) and is medicated, however he is not great at sticking to his prescribed medication protocol. He mainly takes it, although sometimes forgets. He isn't great at taking it the same time each day and he is also smoking weed and drinking, which is obviously less than ideal.</p><p></p><p>He is managing to hold down a part time job (just!) and pays us a small amount of board each week, which (unbeknown to him) we are putting away in a separate account for him. He is managing to pay all his own bills at the moment - car, health insurance etc. (The health insurance system is different here in Australia.) He has never stolen from us or damaged any of our property.</p><p></p><p>One of the things I didn't detail in my original post is our holiday. In March my husband and I are taking our Youngest Son to Europe for two months. Middle Son will be away at university then and Difficult Child will be left in the house by himself. I'm conflicted about this, because I worry that without us here he may sink deeper into depression but I need to put YS's needs first at this point. I'm slightly worried about him having his friends around and them all smoking dope here, however I think that is a risk we will have to take. We have a safe and will lock all valuables in there just in case. He has had his friends in the house while we've been away before and there has never been an incident - no theft or property damage. The friends he has now seem to be fairly high functioning - employed and mentally stable - but they like to drink and smoke dope on weekends. He has fallen out with the group of friends who were big dope users (I don't know why but something happened between them and he hasn't had contact with them for over two months.) I was much more concerned about those friends, but hopefully they are not in the picture any more. I'm not prepared to force Difficult Child out before we go away because I would be worried sick about him the whole time we were gone. Of course I will worry anyway, but at least I will know he has a roof over his head.</p><p></p><p>So I hear what all of you are saying about hard boundaries and I agree. My husband and I have come up with a list of things that he must do (or not do) while we are away and have told him that if these rules are broken then he will have to move out upon our return. The list contains things like look after our dog (this I'm confident he will do because he loves the dog, but I have organized welfare checks on her from a friend to be sure she's okay); have the house clean when we return; mow the lawn; and absolutely no smoking or drugs of any type to be consumed on our property. I have organized for my brother and another friend to drop in at random times to check all is well. Of course we will have no way of knowing if he's adhered to these rules until we arrive home, but I'm not sure what else I can do.</p><p></p><p>Re moving out our boundaries are as follows - he has until we move into the new house to prove he is looking for extra work or taking steps to improve his chances by doing further study (which he must pay for himself.) If he makes no effort to do this he will have to move out when we move. However if he is doing all the right things he can stay until the end of the year. this gives him six months after we move to find alternative accommodation. I know this is a long lead time, but I want to give him a chance for this to work. We will stick to our plan though. My husband is committed to the plan and I think he'll help me to stick to it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LJFromOz, post: 746006, member: 23557"] Hi all! It's morning here again and I finally have a chance to respond to all these messages. I think I'll start by clarifying a few details. I think my long rambling post might have not been clear on the current situation. Difficult Child is currently seeing a therapist (he went back to therapy upon his return home after being kicked out by his housemate) and is medicated, however he is not great at sticking to his prescribed medication protocol. He mainly takes it, although sometimes forgets. He isn't great at taking it the same time each day and he is also smoking weed and drinking, which is obviously less than ideal. He is managing to hold down a part time job (just!) and pays us a small amount of board each week, which (unbeknown to him) we are putting away in a separate account for him. He is managing to pay all his own bills at the moment - car, health insurance etc. (The health insurance system is different here in Australia.) He has never stolen from us or damaged any of our property. One of the things I didn't detail in my original post is our holiday. In March my husband and I are taking our Youngest Son to Europe for two months. Middle Son will be away at university then and Difficult Child will be left in the house by himself. I'm conflicted about this, because I worry that without us here he may sink deeper into depression but I need to put YS's needs first at this point. I'm slightly worried about him having his friends around and them all smoking dope here, however I think that is a risk we will have to take. We have a safe and will lock all valuables in there just in case. He has had his friends in the house while we've been away before and there has never been an incident - no theft or property damage. The friends he has now seem to be fairly high functioning - employed and mentally stable - but they like to drink and smoke dope on weekends. He has fallen out with the group of friends who were big dope users (I don't know why but something happened between them and he hasn't had contact with them for over two months.) I was much more concerned about those friends, but hopefully they are not in the picture any more. I'm not prepared to force Difficult Child out before we go away because I would be worried sick about him the whole time we were gone. Of course I will worry anyway, but at least I will know he has a roof over his head. So I hear what all of you are saying about hard boundaries and I agree. My husband and I have come up with a list of things that he must do (or not do) while we are away and have told him that if these rules are broken then he will have to move out upon our return. The list contains things like look after our dog (this I'm confident he will do because he loves the dog, but I have organized welfare checks on her from a friend to be sure she's okay); have the house clean when we return; mow the lawn; and absolutely no smoking or drugs of any type to be consumed on our property. I have organized for my brother and another friend to drop in at random times to check all is well. Of course we will have no way of knowing if he's adhered to these rules until we arrive home, but I'm not sure what else I can do. Re moving out our boundaries are as follows - he has until we move into the new house to prove he is looking for extra work or taking steps to improve his chances by doing further study (which he must pay for himself.) If he makes no effort to do this he will have to move out when we move. However if he is doing all the right things he can stay until the end of the year. this gives him six months after we move to find alternative accommodation. I know this is a long lead time, but I want to give him a chance for this to work. We will stick to our plan though. My husband is committed to the plan and I think he'll help me to stick to it. [/QUOTE]
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