Dear Michelle,
Welcome to our world! I'm glad you found us--sorry you need us.
Since your difficult child is in a Charter school, based on my experience, they probably ARE clueless about the law. However, ignorance is not an excuse or a defense. I know you have already done a lot of research, but you might want to take a look at the Archives of Sp Ed 101--there are many good discussions there of various problematic aspects of the Special Education process.
There are clear specifications for what is allowed to be in school records in The Buckley Amendment (common name for FERPA--Family Education Rights to Privacy Act). There are two types of files: "Permanent" records are quite limited. What you are looking for should be retained in the temporary files that exists while the student is in school. All relevant information should be there. If the school does not have records of reasons for disciplinary action, then they are REALLY ill-informed and do not have a good attorney on retainer.
Three important things: you are a full member of the IEP team; the invariant order to do things lawfully is to write the IEP first and THEN decide the LRE placement NOT the other way around; AND send all mail to the school CERTIFIED. Finally, start (and maintain) a really good filing system so you have a complete record of your difficult child's school experiences; their responses, etc.
It is OK to send your ideas ahead of time. It is not legal for them to write the IEP beforehand, however. If you are going to send your suggestions, I would ask them for theirs. Also, if any testing has been done, you need to see it BEFORE the meeting because there is not much worse than taking meeting time to read results of evaluations (that should have been sent to you anyway.) If the school won't comply with your wishes, then I would not send "courtesy" drafts to them.
Martie
