Hello there. From your description of him, sounds like he could have Aspergers Syndrome, but he certainly understands right from wrong and could access help and maybe diagnostic testing if he wanted it. He does not have to use drugs, which will make everything ten times worse.
Because he is selling his possessions and wanting to hide out in a remote area, I am guessing that his drug use is more than pot. I'm really sorry to even have to post this, but I was fooled myself. My daughter, who started smoking pot at twelve (yes, you read that right), moved up the ladder and ended up using everything...psychedelics, meth, even a few tries at heroin. I thought if you did heroin one time you were addicted, but apparently not. Still, it is scary that she went there. Cocaine was a big one for her and ADHD stimulants that she and her drug "friends" crushed in pillcrushers and snorted, alone or with cocaine. Then she'd need some downer to allow her to sleep. She did this while taking a hairdressing class and getting all A's in it!!! Her school counselor called with concerns about drug use after she had promised she had quit. I tried to believe her when she told me she quit because I badly needed to think it was true, but she disappointed each time until we had to make her leave. She kept drugs stuffed in her room and we could have been arrested for having them in our house...and we had two younger kids who were tired of seeing Officer Unfriendly dropping by looking for her.
There is nothing you can do to stop your son's destructive lifestyle at his age. But you don't have to allow him into your house to maybe steal and sell more of your precious possessions. I would change the locks. And you don't have to send him a dime, which he will probably spend on drugs rather than food (we had to cut our daughter off too. It made her actually go get a job!!!). I would not let Son use the car. My daughter got into three serious accidents while high. After the first accident, she was never allowed to drive our vehicles again, but certain "friends" let her. Bad idea. She got into one accident that was really bad and she owed $14,000 to the person she hit long after she quit using drugs. Her father did help her pay it off, but by then she was completely sober, gainfully employed, and trying hard to put her life back together, which she did (THERE IS HOPE!).
Anyhow, I learned most of what my daughter had done after she quit because I was caught in between denial and just really not knowing what was going on with her...I just knew it was not good or something we could live with. If I were you, I'd get some hands on support and go to Nar-Anon or National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) where they have classes for parents of the mentally ill. You need desperately to take care of YOURSELF. You can't control your son, but you can control your reactions to his self-destructive lifestyle and you can still live a fulfilling, rich, good life. By the way, you didn't do anything wrong. Most drug users come from good families. At a certain time, peers become more influential than parents in many kids and other than lock them in the house, we can't help that. Your son may have a predisposition to drug misuse because of his biology. He needs to learn this and to control it, but that's on him. You can't do a thing to make him do it. If he comes to your sincerely looking for help, then I'd go all out and get him into a rehab, but that is it. He has to want to get better for you to be able to help him do it or give him support.
I'm glad you came and you are always welcome to post and we will respond. I am sorry, however, that you had to come here at all and for your hurting mommy heart. But you do need to make decisions about how you will handle your son and then you need to try hard to go on with your own life, your other loved ones, the things you love to do, and you need to live at a high level in spite of the poor choices your son makes. It is out of your hands so there is no point in punishing yourself by suffering with him. Big hugs!!!
