I want to thank you all very much. Maybe I am in denial about what he is actually doing, but I just really find it hard to believe that he's able to buy gas, cigarettes, food and pot on $25 a week. He does like having cash, and tends to go buy a pack of cigarettes and then get cash back from stores, but we also see him spending money at fast food places and the discount cigarette shop in town. (His bank account is attached to ours, so we can see his and transfer money, although he has no access to ours.) Then there was the fact that it's hard to GET the boy to take medication. About two months before his 18th birthday he had his wisdom teeth out and get an abcess in his jaw which required surgery and two days in the hospital. They sent him home with a big bottle of liquid hyrdacodone (spelled wrong I think) but he pretty much refused to take it. We left it in his bathroom until he started having friends over and we got nervous about it, but we just moved it to our bedroom and he knew where it was. He took maybe six doses, we took almost the entire bottle to the police station to have it disposed of several months later. I'd even ask him to take it and he wouldn't. I'd think that a kid on drugs would take them when offered! We've never had any of our medication missing...and there are narcotics that we just forgot to pitch.
I didn't mention it before, but his dad and I are certainly not dependent on anything but cigarettes. There's always liquor in the house...because we buy it and never drink it. A tiny bit of Irish Creme I had in the fridge was missing once. But he always had other kids around, so might have been anyone. But there's vodka that's never been drank and wine and lots of stuff, open, in the fridge or cupboard, never gets used unless I cook with it. I have a law degree and my husband has a bachelors. We both have 19+ years at our jobs - Social Services and Corrections, respectively - and certainly didn't set a bad example. Right now we're even working a second job that we do together for extra cash for home repairs!
Aspergers. I researched that a lot when he was young because I had my suspicions, but no professional ever suggested testing. He'd never agree to it now. I wonder though if he did, what good would testing do? I can see him then saying, "It's not my fault. I have a condition." instead of taking any responsibility. God knows he doesn't take responsibility unless he has to.
I do appreciate your support. I think I'm just not quite to the point of giving up and washing my hands of him. This weekend is going to be ... not fun. I can already picture him telling us about his plans and then us telling him why they won't work in real life and him getting huffy and/or ignoring us. The one thing I want to make clear to him is that the car is OURS and not his and we won't under any circumstances allow it to leave the state and that if he drops out of school the tiny allowance is ended. We're waiting for the grades to see if he keeps the car. He was told he would with B's and C's. Of course, he says he's failing...but I hate to take it if he enrolls in another semester, if for no other reason than when it snows and rains and such he'll probably not go to class. But the rational part of me says, buy him a bus pass, keep the car and cut him off. I know he won't starve to death; he can eat in the cafeteria. But I was a college student. It sucks to be penniless when other people are ordering pizza or going to a movie or whatever. He's already so unhappy and I don't want to make him more unhappy than he is. I know a hard stand might be right. I don't know if I have it in me.
