It's not really the upstanding family. it's that I keep picturing him when he was my easy child, when he was fun and happy and loved me. And then I try to figure out why it changed and when it changed and how I didn't see it or if I caused it. And then I kind of lose it. In fact, I've just dissolved into tears at work and I'm in charge today, so I think I best actually get off the internet and work.
Thank you all. I'll come back and cry more later. 
