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New bipolar diagnosis--will lithium improve conduct disorder?
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 449092" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I wanted to say welcome to the board, even though I don't really have any words of wisdom on the exact questions you are asking. It is a good step for your son to be properly diagnosis'ed now and to have medication in place. I hope this medication works out but do not give up if it isn't the correct one, it can take several tries to find the right mix for a particular individual. </p><p></p><p>I want to say I admire that you are firm already in the line you will draw in the sand. If you and your spouse are both on the same page and prepared to have consequences for behaviors that are unacceptable, it can only serve your son well to see you both follow through when he needs to be disciplined for being out of line.</p><p></p><p>It is such a touchy thing to try to bar any kid, let alone a difficult child, from certain friends or acquaintances. I can certainly understand your concerns and I wish I had something to contribute in that area. All I can do is judge from my own experiences and say that with my difficult child I allowed much more freedom at home, in attempts to keep him AT home with his friends rather than the "unknown" factor when he was out and about. It only worked because I had a basement I transformed into his personal space and I knew the kids he'd have over and approved of them. I don't know how I'd have handled the kids I didn't want him around, but I'm tempted to think I may have allowed it under my own supervision but that is theory, in practice I may not have at all. When my difficult child would have friends in, he was given free reign downstairs so long as the noise wasn't crazy and no alcohol, drugs, smoking. He would at times have several boys over hanging out and although I would have loved to see him being out of the house more, for me it was a solution to my particular problem with not knowing what he'd get up to if outside of the house. His friends came to respect me and the rules of the house and it worked out. But then again, he hadn't been smoking pot (that came later after I had him move out for a while to see the grass wasn't greener). When he did return home to live, I made a ZERO pot rule, as in NONE. I caught him ONE time after he moved home, he didn't bring it home but he did have a adult neighbor (grr) share pot with him and came in high. He lost his computer, xbox, cell phone priveledges for a month. He was working towards earning some pricey shoes he wanted, that money earned was put away and the shoes put on hold until his month of restriction was up. He was to add an extra day for each time in that month he was smart towards me in conversation or put up a fight at chore time etc. I have to say that I don't think this was the reason he stopped with the pot, I think he stopped because he saw that I had removed him from our home and by the time I caught the incident with the pot smoking, he was right scared I'd remove him again and he'd had time away to realize how much "home" really meant to him. He has gone on to be very typical teen-ish. </p><p></p><p>I have no idea what will be right for your son but it sounds like you are on the right path with treatment, medication and having firm boundaries. Perhaps before he returns home your husband and yourself might want to make a list of behaviors that are unacceptable and the consequences for engaging in them. If you are both prepared to follow through and know ahead of time what your consequence will be, there is less room to act in anger of the heat of the moment and choose another approach or something that will cause your son to think he's pulling one over on you both. </p><p></p><p>I applaud your decision to turn him and his friends in if they make good on their 'ideas' for this new "venture". I think sometimes with difficult children particularly, the tough love approach can be a difference maker. You'll know soon enough if it doesn't work with your own difficult child and you can contemplate then what to try next. </p><p></p><p>Welcome to the board, there are so many wonderful people here, many with similar experiences to yours. Hopefully they will have some wisdom for you as I don't know that I have much to offer on this topic. Please be sure to update us on how the lithium is working out</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 449092, member: 4264"] I wanted to say welcome to the board, even though I don't really have any words of wisdom on the exact questions you are asking. It is a good step for your son to be properly diagnosis'ed now and to have medication in place. I hope this medication works out but do not give up if it isn't the correct one, it can take several tries to find the right mix for a particular individual. I want to say I admire that you are firm already in the line you will draw in the sand. If you and your spouse are both on the same page and prepared to have consequences for behaviors that are unacceptable, it can only serve your son well to see you both follow through when he needs to be disciplined for being out of line. It is such a touchy thing to try to bar any kid, let alone a difficult child, from certain friends or acquaintances. I can certainly understand your concerns and I wish I had something to contribute in that area. All I can do is judge from my own experiences and say that with my difficult child I allowed much more freedom at home, in attempts to keep him AT home with his friends rather than the "unknown" factor when he was out and about. It only worked because I had a basement I transformed into his personal space and I knew the kids he'd have over and approved of them. I don't know how I'd have handled the kids I didn't want him around, but I'm tempted to think I may have allowed it under my own supervision but that is theory, in practice I may not have at all. When my difficult child would have friends in, he was given free reign downstairs so long as the noise wasn't crazy and no alcohol, drugs, smoking. He would at times have several boys over hanging out and although I would have loved to see him being out of the house more, for me it was a solution to my particular problem with not knowing what he'd get up to if outside of the house. His friends came to respect me and the rules of the house and it worked out. But then again, he hadn't been smoking pot (that came later after I had him move out for a while to see the grass wasn't greener). When he did return home to live, I made a ZERO pot rule, as in NONE. I caught him ONE time after he moved home, he didn't bring it home but he did have a adult neighbor (grr) share pot with him and came in high. He lost his computer, xbox, cell phone priveledges for a month. He was working towards earning some pricey shoes he wanted, that money earned was put away and the shoes put on hold until his month of restriction was up. He was to add an extra day for each time in that month he was smart towards me in conversation or put up a fight at chore time etc. I have to say that I don't think this was the reason he stopped with the pot, I think he stopped because he saw that I had removed him from our home and by the time I caught the incident with the pot smoking, he was right scared I'd remove him again and he'd had time away to realize how much "home" really meant to him. He has gone on to be very typical teen-ish. I have no idea what will be right for your son but it sounds like you are on the right path with treatment, medication and having firm boundaries. Perhaps before he returns home your husband and yourself might want to make a list of behaviors that are unacceptable and the consequences for engaging in them. If you are both prepared to follow through and know ahead of time what your consequence will be, there is less room to act in anger of the heat of the moment and choose another approach or something that will cause your son to think he's pulling one over on you both. I applaud your decision to turn him and his friends in if they make good on their 'ideas' for this new "venture". I think sometimes with difficult children particularly, the tough love approach can be a difference maker. You'll know soon enough if it doesn't work with your own difficult child and you can contemplate then what to try next. Welcome to the board, there are so many wonderful people here, many with similar experiences to yours. Hopefully they will have some wisdom for you as I don't know that I have much to offer on this topic. Please be sure to update us on how the lithium is working out [/QUOTE]
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