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New...cut contact with difficult child 1
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<blockquote data-quote="Rannveig" data-source="post: 380879" data-attributes="member: 5689"><p>Dear RPS,</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry for your heartbreak. Does difficult child 3 look up to difficult child 1? Is that why it's so upsetting to have had difficult child 1 willing to compare notes on out-of-mind experiences? </p><p></p><p>In a way, though, I'm sympathetic to difficult child 1. The fraternal relationship is not the same as a parental relationship. I don't think he had a duty to tell you anything. I just think he showed really poor judgment in not telling you. He sounds very immature. Even the "If you don't have something nice to say, gtfo" is just kind of babyish. It's like he's just parroting something that teachers tell Kindergarteners and adding in some foul language to make himself sound tough. I'm not saying you should want a relationship with someone like this, just that he sounds more lost than anti-social.</p><p></p><p>What if you wrote him and said, "Hey, that conversation went in a direction I regret. I was very hurt by the way you spoke to me, but I also recognize that I hurt you by holding you responsible for your brother's problems [or whatever you figure he may have felt]. The truth is I'm just worried to death about your brother, and I'm sorry if I took some of my worry out on you. I'd love it if we could be allies to help your brother through these tough teen years. I haven't always liked your choices, but I respect that you're making it on your own now, and I think you could be a positive role model for your brother if you wanted. Would you be willing to think about how we might help your brother together?" Do you think he would get that at all, or is he too angry a person to be able to absorb something like that? Well, I guess I think that even if he rejected your attempt at setting a new tone, you might feel more at peace in yourself. I hear in your messages how sad you are, and I wish you well.</p><p></p><p>Sincerely, Ranny</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Rannveig, post: 380879, member: 5689"] Dear RPS, I'm sorry for your heartbreak. Does difficult child 3 look up to difficult child 1? Is that why it's so upsetting to have had difficult child 1 willing to compare notes on out-of-mind experiences? In a way, though, I'm sympathetic to difficult child 1. The fraternal relationship is not the same as a parental relationship. I don't think he had a duty to tell you anything. I just think he showed really poor judgment in not telling you. He sounds very immature. Even the "If you don't have something nice to say, gtfo" is just kind of babyish. It's like he's just parroting something that teachers tell Kindergarteners and adding in some foul language to make himself sound tough. I'm not saying you should want a relationship with someone like this, just that he sounds more lost than anti-social. What if you wrote him and said, "Hey, that conversation went in a direction I regret. I was very hurt by the way you spoke to me, but I also recognize that I hurt you by holding you responsible for your brother's problems [or whatever you figure he may have felt]. The truth is I'm just worried to death about your brother, and I'm sorry if I took some of my worry out on you. I'd love it if we could be allies to help your brother through these tough teen years. I haven't always liked your choices, but I respect that you're making it on your own now, and I think you could be a positive role model for your brother if you wanted. Would you be willing to think about how we might help your brother together?" Do you think he would get that at all, or is he too angry a person to be able to absorb something like that? Well, I guess I think that even if he rejected your attempt at setting a new tone, you might feel more at peace in yourself. I hear in your messages how sad you are, and I wish you well. Sincerely, Ranny [/QUOTE]
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