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new heer and could use some help...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 449817" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there.</p><p>I just woke up so forgive me if I ramble a bit <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>We adopted two children who were exposed to drugs/alcohol during pregnancy. We also adopted two children (one was six and one eleven) who came to us after having chaotic early years (especially the 11 year old). </p><p></p><p>It is unlikely that you are going to be able to pinpoint one problem with your grandchildren. The facts are, both alcohol/drug use during pregnancy (even if she actually did stop at five months) AND early chaos cause serious problems in children that often last a lifetime. In the case of alcohol, use in utero can and often does cause brain damage that is not reversible. Kids on the fetal alchol spectrum often do not learn from their mistakes and really DON'T know why they behave in certain ways. medications often are ineffective in curbing their behaviors and, from what I know of children who have suffered alcohol affects, they usually grow up to not understand good choices and often drink too much themselves and have children with alcohol spectrum problems. From what I've read on the syndrome, the best treatment is constant care to help them curb their bad choices (which aren't their faults and aren't because they are "bad" kids). Whether this is your main problem or not, I don't know. </p><p></p><p>Reactive attachment disorder is also a huge problem with kids who have had lack of early nurturing. The children learn to trust one person: THEM. They have trouble, even fear, loving somebody and have various degrees of trouble attaching. Raging, antisocial behavior, setting fires, hurting animals (these are the extremes) can happen. Our 11 year old was too damaged to live in a family as he killed our animals and sexually abused (over and over again) our two youngest. He had to leave. We dissolved the adoption. He didn't care. He wasn't attached to us or to anyone. We also suspect he had fetal alcohol effects as his birthmother had indulged when she had been pregnant.</p><p></p><p>I would take t he kids to a neuropsychologist. He may not be able to pinpoint everything going on, and he may not even be able to help, BUT he might be VERY helpful. And there may be disorders going on that CAN be helped. With complicated children like yours and my two, in my opinion a psychiatrist or therapist or pediatrician isn't enough. They have been through more than the normal child even before they were born and probably have a combination of both neurological and psychiatric issues. </p><p></p><p>You may also want to join a parent group of adoptive parents. Trust me, they will understand your problems. They are common within the adoptive community...most in those groups have deliberately adopted high maintenance kids and understand their behaviors and exchange strategies.</p><p></p><p>Bless you for taking in your grandchildren. Keep us posted on your progress. We can not diagnose here...and my best guess is that a lot is going on, both neurological and psychiatric. But I could be wrong. See a neuropsychologist. I will say that our neuropsychologist told us that it's common for drug/alcohol affected kids to display autistic traits or to have autism. But that is rarely the only thing going on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 449817, member: 1550"] Hi there. I just woke up so forgive me if I ramble a bit :) We adopted two children who were exposed to drugs/alcohol during pregnancy. We also adopted two children (one was six and one eleven) who came to us after having chaotic early years (especially the 11 year old). It is unlikely that you are going to be able to pinpoint one problem with your grandchildren. The facts are, both alcohol/drug use during pregnancy (even if she actually did stop at five months) AND early chaos cause serious problems in children that often last a lifetime. In the case of alcohol, use in utero can and often does cause brain damage that is not reversible. Kids on the fetal alchol spectrum often do not learn from their mistakes and really DON'T know why they behave in certain ways. medications often are ineffective in curbing their behaviors and, from what I know of children who have suffered alcohol affects, they usually grow up to not understand good choices and often drink too much themselves and have children with alcohol spectrum problems. From what I've read on the syndrome, the best treatment is constant care to help them curb their bad choices (which aren't their faults and aren't because they are "bad" kids). Whether this is your main problem or not, I don't know. Reactive attachment disorder is also a huge problem with kids who have had lack of early nurturing. The children learn to trust one person: THEM. They have trouble, even fear, loving somebody and have various degrees of trouble attaching. Raging, antisocial behavior, setting fires, hurting animals (these are the extremes) can happen. Our 11 year old was too damaged to live in a family as he killed our animals and sexually abused (over and over again) our two youngest. He had to leave. We dissolved the adoption. He didn't care. He wasn't attached to us or to anyone. We also suspect he had fetal alcohol effects as his birthmother had indulged when she had been pregnant. I would take t he kids to a neuropsychologist. He may not be able to pinpoint everything going on, and he may not even be able to help, BUT he might be VERY helpful. And there may be disorders going on that CAN be helped. With complicated children like yours and my two, in my opinion a psychiatrist or therapist or pediatrician isn't enough. They have been through more than the normal child even before they were born and probably have a combination of both neurological and psychiatric issues. You may also want to join a parent group of adoptive parents. Trust me, they will understand your problems. They are common within the adoptive community...most in those groups have deliberately adopted high maintenance kids and understand their behaviors and exchange strategies. Bless you for taking in your grandchildren. Keep us posted on your progress. We can not diagnose here...and my best guess is that a lot is going on, both neurological and psychiatric. But I could be wrong. See a neuropsychologist. I will say that our neuropsychologist told us that it's common for drug/alcohol affected kids to display autistic traits or to have autism. But that is rarely the only thing going on. [/QUOTE]
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