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NEW HERE-15 YR OLD DAUGHTER ODD
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 59749" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Welcome, Deanna. Sorry you're having such a rough time.</p><p></p><p>The diagnosis - given all you say, I think it's likely there is more to the picture. The trouble is, how can you find out when she is so uncooperative?</p><p></p><p>One STRONG recommendation - don't 'lay down the law' if you can't enforce it. It is better to not even go there, than to set yourself up for failure there. You need to find another way.</p><p></p><p>I know she's already 15 but she IS still a kid and you do still have some options. I'm not from your area so I know nothing of PINS - sounds good, check it out.</p><p></p><p>Also check out (from the library, if you're unsure, or broke for the moment) Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child". There is also some discussion of this book on the Early Childhood forum, although that discussion is far more specific to much younger children. The book, however, is about how to manage kids of all ages for whom the usual methods not only don't work, they make things worse.</p><p></p><p>As for the MS - if you've only recently been diagnosed then you have a lot on your plate emotionally. If you can afford it (time, money and energy), get yourself to a counsellor because YOU need to sort out your own issues so you can best help your daughter. YOU need to build back your own innre strength. The MS will actually speed this up, once you get past the initial reactions.</p><p>I'm speaking from experience - while I've not been formally diagnosis'ed with MS, it's so close as makes no never mind. I'm dealing with a lot of the same physical stuff and have been for 23 years. And yes, it is hard especially at first. But then you discover your own adaptability and learn that with what you CAN do, you can be very powerful, more than people expect.</p><p></p><p>If this hasn't affected your speech (hasn't affected mine, except my voice gets hoarse if I talk too long) then use the telephone. They can't see you over the phone, so practice making your voice sound confident and authoritative.</p><p></p><p>If your voice IS affected, use the computer and write letters, emails etc. Make sure you check over what you write for accuracy - it makes you look like someone to be reckoned with (like you have your own personal secretary, you're not just trying to manage on your own). Don't use all caps except for individual word emphasis - it looks like you're shouting. If your hands are tiring too fast and switching between SHIFT keys & back is just too tiring, then use all lower case. I remember an author who used to do this - she insisted she hated upper case and had them all chiselled off her typewriter. Her name was Helene Hannff. She wrote "84 Charing Cross Rd" (the publisher put the caps back in the title!) which was based on the friendship she built up between herself and a London bookstore owner. It was made into a movie with Ann Bancroft and Anthony Hopkins.</p><p>Helene Hannff's refusal to use caps simply made her seem a fascinating eccentric, at worst. It certainly worked for her.</p><p></p><p>Sorry if this seems to be nitpicking, but there are several reasons I mention this - </p><p></p><p>1) Success in the small details can really boost your confidence, which I suspect isn't in good shape right now;</p><p></p><p>2) With a daughter like you've got at the moment, you need to become a Warrior Mum and this often involves some serious communication with educators, various officials etc. If you can sound strong in these, you will cope better in yourself and also in your advocacy for your daughter.</p><p></p><p>When your body is feeling weak and unreliable, always remember you can rely on your mind.</p><p></p><p>Keep us posted on how you get on.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 59749, member: 1991"] Welcome, Deanna. Sorry you're having such a rough time. The diagnosis - given all you say, I think it's likely there is more to the picture. The trouble is, how can you find out when she is so uncooperative? One STRONG recommendation - don't 'lay down the law' if you can't enforce it. It is better to not even go there, than to set yourself up for failure there. You need to find another way. I know she's already 15 but she IS still a kid and you do still have some options. I'm not from your area so I know nothing of PINS - sounds good, check it out. Also check out (from the library, if you're unsure, or broke for the moment) Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child". There is also some discussion of this book on the Early Childhood forum, although that discussion is far more specific to much younger children. The book, however, is about how to manage kids of all ages for whom the usual methods not only don't work, they make things worse. As for the MS - if you've only recently been diagnosed then you have a lot on your plate emotionally. If you can afford it (time, money and energy), get yourself to a counsellor because YOU need to sort out your own issues so you can best help your daughter. YOU need to build back your own innre strength. The MS will actually speed this up, once you get past the initial reactions. I'm speaking from experience - while I've not been formally diagnosis'ed with MS, it's so close as makes no never mind. I'm dealing with a lot of the same physical stuff and have been for 23 years. And yes, it is hard especially at first. But then you discover your own adaptability and learn that with what you CAN do, you can be very powerful, more than people expect. If this hasn't affected your speech (hasn't affected mine, except my voice gets hoarse if I talk too long) then use the telephone. They can't see you over the phone, so practice making your voice sound confident and authoritative. If your voice IS affected, use the computer and write letters, emails etc. Make sure you check over what you write for accuracy - it makes you look like someone to be reckoned with (like you have your own personal secretary, you're not just trying to manage on your own). Don't use all caps except for individual word emphasis - it looks like you're shouting. If your hands are tiring too fast and switching between SHIFT keys & back is just too tiring, then use all lower case. I remember an author who used to do this - she insisted she hated upper case and had them all chiselled off her typewriter. Her name was Helene Hannff. She wrote "84 Charing Cross Rd" (the publisher put the caps back in the title!) which was based on the friendship she built up between herself and a London bookstore owner. It was made into a movie with Ann Bancroft and Anthony Hopkins. Helene Hannff's refusal to use caps simply made her seem a fascinating eccentric, at worst. It certainly worked for her. Sorry if this seems to be nitpicking, but there are several reasons I mention this - 1) Success in the small details can really boost your confidence, which I suspect isn't in good shape right now; 2) With a daughter like you've got at the moment, you need to become a Warrior Mum and this often involves some serious communication with educators, various officials etc. If you can sound strong in these, you will cope better in yourself and also in your advocacy for your daughter. When your body is feeling weak and unreliable, always remember you can rely on your mind. Keep us posted on how you get on. Marg [/QUOTE]
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