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Substance Abuse
New here. 23 yr old son, a familiar tale, I'm sure.
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 761030" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Sorry for the circumstances that have brought you here, however, I'm sure just putting your thoughts down was cathartic. </p><p></p><p>I just want to say that I was married to a severe alcoholic for many, many (too many) years. He went to many rehabs over the last several years of our marriage. I recall when he was in rehab and I'd visit him that he was not someone I even liked anymore. He was mean (not the alcoholic mean but the sober mean) to me, angry and and even a bit entitled. I thought that once we took the alcohol away, that everything would fall into place. But truth be told once the alcohol is removed, the hard work has begun. They have to figure out how to cope with reality instead of numbing it, they have to now deal with the guilt and shame that they have undoubtedly taken on due to all the people in their lives including themselves that they have failed, lied to, deceived, manipulated and lost. </p><p></p><p>That's a lot of "stuff" to process along with the fact that in my "unprofessional" yet life experience wisdom, most alcoholics have some type of mental issues. I say this lovingly and not in a mean way. There's usually some past hurt, traumatic experience, anxiety, depression etc. that was the culprit that put them on this path. </p><p></p><p>Try to step back and not expect too many answers right now or the loving embrace you hope he'd give you. Alcoholism is like an ice burg and you've only seen the tip of the destruction that lies beneath. I think he is very courageous to make the changes he needs to do for himself. Now it's time for you to make the changes for yourself. We learn in Al anon that "we too are sick from the disease of alcoholism". You have been affected to. Be kind to yourself and while your son is working on himself, take the time to "heal" yourself too.</p><p></p><p>Sending hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 761030, member: 23405"] Sorry for the circumstances that have brought you here, however, I'm sure just putting your thoughts down was cathartic. I just want to say that I was married to a severe alcoholic for many, many (too many) years. He went to many rehabs over the last several years of our marriage. I recall when he was in rehab and I'd visit him that he was not someone I even liked anymore. He was mean (not the alcoholic mean but the sober mean) to me, angry and and even a bit entitled. I thought that once we took the alcohol away, that everything would fall into place. But truth be told once the alcohol is removed, the hard work has begun. They have to figure out how to cope with reality instead of numbing it, they have to now deal with the guilt and shame that they have undoubtedly taken on due to all the people in their lives including themselves that they have failed, lied to, deceived, manipulated and lost. That's a lot of "stuff" to process along with the fact that in my "unprofessional" yet life experience wisdom, most alcoholics have some type of mental issues. I say this lovingly and not in a mean way. There's usually some past hurt, traumatic experience, anxiety, depression etc. that was the culprit that put them on this path. Try to step back and not expect too many answers right now or the loving embrace you hope he'd give you. Alcoholism is like an ice burg and you've only seen the tip of the destruction that lies beneath. I think he is very courageous to make the changes he needs to do for himself. Now it's time for you to make the changes for yourself. We learn in Al anon that "we too are sick from the disease of alcoholism". You have been affected to. Be kind to yourself and while your son is working on himself, take the time to "heal" yourself too. Sending hugs. [/QUOTE]
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Substance Abuse
New here. 23 yr old son, a familiar tale, I'm sure.
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