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New here: Adult son steals, plus more...
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 645928" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Welcome to the board. We do understand, as many of our stories have very similar elements to your story.</p><p></p><p>My son, when he was using drugs, stole from us, from the neighbors, from his employer, from his "friends," from acquaintances, from Wal-Mart...anywhere and everywhere, and lied about all of it.</p><p></p><p>I would find the evidence, and show it to him, and he would still lie.</p><p></p><p>Lying and stealing come with addiction, as I am sure you know. They both hold hands with addiction. </p><p></p><p>Once I learned that the craving for drugs originates in the same place in the brain that the craving for oxygen does, that was illuminating to me. It becomes the most important thing in an addict's life, and that person isn't thinking about anything or anybody else.</p><p></p><p>Whatever he has to do. </p><p></p><p>That didn't excuse any of his behavior---because people are always 100 percent responsible for what they do (unless they are psychotic and out of touch with reality), but it did help me to not take it so personally. </p><p></p><p>Once my son started stealing from me---when he lived here---I had to kick him out. I'll never forget the day my now-husband and I went to Home Depot and bought additional locks for all of the doors. One day soon after that, my son tried to get in when I wasn't here---wonder how many times he did that?----and found out he couldn't get it, he was furious. It was almost funny.</p><p></p><p>He hasn't lived here since, and it has taken multiple times of him being homeless, and in jail and on and on, before today has come, and it finally looks as if he is trying to change. I say that slowly and without certainty because I know that anything can happen. There are no guarantees.</p><p></p><p>I had to completely let go of him, and stop "helping" and even create a lot of physical distance between us for a period of time. </p><p></p><p>It took time and a lot of tears, deep grief, changing on my part, Al-Anon, hard work, etc. etc. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry you are living in this nightmare and I so understand. I have a easy child son as well, he is a wonderful young man, who has made many good decisions about his own life. The contrast is remarkable.</p><p></p><p>Warm hugs. Keep coming back. We get it. We care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 645928, member: 17542"] Welcome to the board. We do understand, as many of our stories have very similar elements to your story. My son, when he was using drugs, stole from us, from the neighbors, from his employer, from his "friends," from acquaintances, from Wal-Mart...anywhere and everywhere, and lied about all of it. I would find the evidence, and show it to him, and he would still lie. Lying and stealing come with addiction, as I am sure you know. They both hold hands with addiction. Once I learned that the craving for drugs originates in the same place in the brain that the craving for oxygen does, that was illuminating to me. It becomes the most important thing in an addict's life, and that person isn't thinking about anything or anybody else. Whatever he has to do. That didn't excuse any of his behavior---because people are always 100 percent responsible for what they do (unless they are psychotic and out of touch with reality), but it did help me to not take it so personally. Once my son started stealing from me---when he lived here---I had to kick him out. I'll never forget the day my now-husband and I went to Home Depot and bought additional locks for all of the doors. One day soon after that, my son tried to get in when I wasn't here---wonder how many times he did that?----and found out he couldn't get it, he was furious. It was almost funny. He hasn't lived here since, and it has taken multiple times of him being homeless, and in jail and on and on, before today has come, and it finally looks as if he is trying to change. I say that slowly and without certainty because I know that anything can happen. There are no guarantees. I had to completely let go of him, and stop "helping" and even create a lot of physical distance between us for a period of time. It took time and a lot of tears, deep grief, changing on my part, Al-Anon, hard work, etc. etc. I am sorry you are living in this nightmare and I so understand. I have a easy child son as well, he is a wonderful young man, who has made many good decisions about his own life. The contrast is remarkable. Warm hugs. Keep coming back. We get it. We care. [/QUOTE]
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