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New here and at my wits' end
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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 202132" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>Hi, I'm just heading out to pick up my daughter but wanted to say hello and welcome! You have found a soft place to land, as they say here, and you've found a community of parents (both moms and dads) who've been there, done that, can and will sympathize, and try to give you the benefit of our experiences. There are no perfect answers, but ... hugs and suggestions can help.</p><p></p><p>I take it your difficult child hasn't seen any psychiatrists, psychologists etc. before, so this will be his first evaluation? It's good that you have both psychiatric and counseling set up. Once you have a diagnosis and a direction for therapy, counseling will follow that. You will likely want to get a neuropsychologist evaluation done as well as regular psychiatric, given your difficult child's family history. He probably has biological as well as behavioral issues. He may also have some degree of learning disorder or executive functioning/processing disorder. Your psychiatrist will hopefully arrange all necessary testing. </p><p></p><p>Re suggestions, the first thing I would suggest is focusing on enforcing some basic house rules with less talk and a focus on action. You could sit difficult child down and tell him the basic rules but do not let him argue about them. No discussion; these are the rules. Try to get some rest before you do this, sit down together, calmly present them, and inform him that breaking them will not result in discussion but action. Then be prepared for him to break them, as he certainly will! He will test. Have a firm response planned, such as: should he jump out his window and run away, call the police and have THEM bring him back. If he breaks things in the house, he loses his things - all of which belong to you legally, and almost all of which are discretionary privileges. He needs basic clothing (not his favorite, necessarily), basic food, shelter, access to a bathroom and the means of cleaning himself, and he needs to go to school. Everything else is a privilege. You have LOTS of scope here to remove privileges for rule breakage; just make a list, decide, and follow through when he breaks that rule. No discussion at the time.</p><p></p><p>This may sound a little drastic, but it really gets kids' attention fast and it stops the endless arguments that go in circles. We have a very very challenging difficult child who ONLY began to respond to structure once he lost everything but a mattress, blanket, pillow and lightbulb in his room, and the basics in clothes etc. He had to earn everything back ... long story, and it's still ongoing, but he didn't respond to anything else. Many kids will respond with respect much, much sooner. I know many folks here really like the book 'The Explosive Child' by Ross Greene. It's very well regarded. </p><p></p><p>The suggestions I've made are just some ideas to help you get to those two appointments, and then you should get some guidance from the psychiatrist and therapist. Keep posting; this is a great place to vent as well as get suggestions. Good luck! Sending good wishes!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 202132, member: 2884"] Hi, I'm just heading out to pick up my daughter but wanted to say hello and welcome! You have found a soft place to land, as they say here, and you've found a community of parents (both moms and dads) who've been there, done that, can and will sympathize, and try to give you the benefit of our experiences. There are no perfect answers, but ... hugs and suggestions can help. I take it your difficult child hasn't seen any psychiatrists, psychologists etc. before, so this will be his first evaluation? It's good that you have both psychiatric and counseling set up. Once you have a diagnosis and a direction for therapy, counseling will follow that. You will likely want to get a neuropsychologist evaluation done as well as regular psychiatric, given your difficult child's family history. He probably has biological as well as behavioral issues. He may also have some degree of learning disorder or executive functioning/processing disorder. Your psychiatrist will hopefully arrange all necessary testing. Re suggestions, the first thing I would suggest is focusing on enforcing some basic house rules with less talk and a focus on action. You could sit difficult child down and tell him the basic rules but do not let him argue about them. No discussion; these are the rules. Try to get some rest before you do this, sit down together, calmly present them, and inform him that breaking them will not result in discussion but action. Then be prepared for him to break them, as he certainly will! He will test. Have a firm response planned, such as: should he jump out his window and run away, call the police and have THEM bring him back. If he breaks things in the house, he loses his things - all of which belong to you legally, and almost all of which are discretionary privileges. He needs basic clothing (not his favorite, necessarily), basic food, shelter, access to a bathroom and the means of cleaning himself, and he needs to go to school. Everything else is a privilege. You have LOTS of scope here to remove privileges for rule breakage; just make a list, decide, and follow through when he breaks that rule. No discussion at the time. This may sound a little drastic, but it really gets kids' attention fast and it stops the endless arguments that go in circles. We have a very very challenging difficult child who ONLY began to respond to structure once he lost everything but a mattress, blanket, pillow and lightbulb in his room, and the basics in clothes etc. He had to earn everything back ... long story, and it's still ongoing, but he didn't respond to anything else. Many kids will respond with respect much, much sooner. I know many folks here really like the book 'The Explosive Child' by Ross Greene. It's very well regarded. The suggestions I've made are just some ideas to help you get to those two appointments, and then you should get some guidance from the psychiatrist and therapist. Keep posting; this is a great place to vent as well as get suggestions. Good luck! Sending good wishes! [/QUOTE]
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