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New here and at my wits' end
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 202138" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Hello Ehlena, and welcome.</p><p></p><p>You have found a soft place to land here, with lots of parents who understand and have been through similar experiences to yours.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad to hear that you've got a psychiatrist appointment set up for your difficult child. It's good to get the evaluation process started, in order to understand if there is some sort of underlying disorder that is causing some of the oppositional and defiant behaviour. If you have the opportunity to, I would highly recommend a neuropsychologist evaluation. They can pinpoint certain neuro issues that other forms of testing cannot. </p><p></p><p>Many of us on the board have started with a diagnosis of ODD (or ADHD/ODD). From there it's been a battle to identify the correct diagnosis, so that we can get the right therapy, interventions, accommodations and/or medications for our children.</p><p></p><p>I think Katya's advice about dealing with your difficult child in the interim is spot-on. Think of it as do-to-get. Your difficult child needs to do things in order to get things. Give him clear information about rules and expectations, and consequences for his behaviour. Try to make the consequences as natural as possible. For example, if he trashes his bedroom, then he loses all of the stuff in his room except for the bare essentials (mattress on the floor, laundry basket in which to store a change of clothes). Food can be nutritious, but doesn't have to be to his liking. No privileges, no entertainment. Most importantly, try your very best not to engage when he's baiting you. Try to stay calm and detached.</p><p></p><p>Check the archives for posts on Detachment 101. It's a skill that many of us have had to learn in order to avoid being swept into difficult child drama, and to maintain a (sometimes tenuous) hold on sanity.</p><p></p><p>So glad you found us. Sorry you had to.</p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 202138, member: 3907"] Hello Ehlena, and welcome. You have found a soft place to land here, with lots of parents who understand and have been through similar experiences to yours. I'm glad to hear that you've got a psychiatrist appointment set up for your difficult child. It's good to get the evaluation process started, in order to understand if there is some sort of underlying disorder that is causing some of the oppositional and defiant behaviour. If you have the opportunity to, I would highly recommend a neuropsychologist evaluation. They can pinpoint certain neuro issues that other forms of testing cannot. Many of us on the board have started with a diagnosis of ODD (or ADHD/ODD). From there it's been a battle to identify the correct diagnosis, so that we can get the right therapy, interventions, accommodations and/or medications for our children. I think Katya's advice about dealing with your difficult child in the interim is spot-on. Think of it as do-to-get. Your difficult child needs to do things in order to get things. Give him clear information about rules and expectations, and consequences for his behaviour. Try to make the consequences as natural as possible. For example, if he trashes his bedroom, then he loses all of the stuff in his room except for the bare essentials (mattress on the floor, laundry basket in which to store a change of clothes). Food can be nutritious, but doesn't have to be to his liking. No privileges, no entertainment. Most importantly, try your very best not to engage when he's baiting you. Try to stay calm and detached. Check the archives for posts on Detachment 101. It's a skill that many of us have had to learn in order to avoid being swept into difficult child drama, and to maintain a (sometimes tenuous) hold on sanity. So glad you found us. Sorry you had to. Trinity [/QUOTE]
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