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<blockquote data-quote="in a daze" data-source="post: 616179" data-attributes="member: 15832"><p>I am so sorry you are going through this. Since she is an adult, there is not much you can do to stop her from making such bad choices. You will have to set very strict boundaries if she is to continue to live with you. You may want to tell her that you will not pay for lawyers or bail her out, and allow the natural consequences of the law to take place as many on this site have done. If there is a domestic violence shelter you may want to call them and ask them for advice. You may want to insist that she takes her medicine, makes her appointments, get a job, and stay away from the bad guy as a condition of using the car, spending money, and living in your home. You may want to get yourself to a support group such as Families Anonymous, and your local chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) although I did not find my local chapter very helpful myself. A therapist of your own can be very helpful in assisting you to set boundaries. </p><p> </p><p>"I dont want to enable her to remain this way but dont have the strength to turn my back and watch her fail, which is why I am here."</p><p> </p><p>What you call "turning your back" is what we on this site call detachment. We have had to do just that: watch our adult children struggle with drug abuse and the consequences of not taking their medications and not seeking and obtaining/maintaining gainful employment, dropping out of school, not maintaining a car/driving recklessly, etc. Because we have tried and tried to fix things and make things easy for them, with no results. It is only by struggling that they learn and grow. Sadly, some never do.</p><p> </p><p>It's not easy, I know. Your daughter is still young. If you continue to enable her now by tolerating all the drama, it will just go on and on, and there may be young children eventually who will be at risk. Please get some expert help. And keep posting. You will get excellent advice and emotional support from everyone here!</p><p> </p><p>My best to you...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="in a daze, post: 616179, member: 15832"] I am so sorry you are going through this. Since she is an adult, there is not much you can do to stop her from making such bad choices. You will have to set very strict boundaries if she is to continue to live with you. You may want to tell her that you will not pay for lawyers or bail her out, and allow the natural consequences of the law to take place as many on this site have done. If there is a domestic violence shelter you may want to call them and ask them for advice. You may want to insist that she takes her medicine, makes her appointments, get a job, and stay away from the bad guy as a condition of using the car, spending money, and living in your home. You may want to get yourself to a support group such as Families Anonymous, and your local chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) although I did not find my local chapter very helpful myself. A therapist of your own can be very helpful in assisting you to set boundaries. "I dont want to enable her to remain this way but dont have the strength to turn my back and watch her fail, which is why I am here." What you call "turning your back" is what we on this site call detachment. We have had to do just that: watch our adult children struggle with drug abuse and the consequences of not taking their medications and not seeking and obtaining/maintaining gainful employment, dropping out of school, not maintaining a car/driving recklessly, etc. Because we have tried and tried to fix things and make things easy for them, with no results. It is only by struggling that they learn and grow. Sadly, some never do. It's not easy, I know. Your daughter is still young. If you continue to enable her now by tolerating all the drama, it will just go on and on, and there may be young children eventually who will be at risk. Please get some expert help. And keep posting. You will get excellent advice and emotional support from everyone here! My best to you... [/QUOTE]
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