Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
New here and looking for direction...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 63788" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>From my experience, a lot of what gets called ODD is what is observed on the surface after another underlying disorder has caused problems for that child. A number of disorders can do this - often treating the underlying disorder can make a big difference. Also, trying to see what it is that the child is having trouble with, can also help.</p><p></p><p>We have a book we recommend here - "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. There is some discussion on this in the Early Childhood forum. It's like a bible for some of us. You should be able to get it from the library, too, if you want to read it before you fork out bucks for it.</p><p></p><p>You don't say how old your child is - that also can have a bearing.</p><p></p><p>Basically, sit down and watch your child. Think about past events. Make sure you have your own notes recording interesting stuff like this, anything you think could be relevant. Err on the side of generosity. But think - is your son impulsive? Does he have a short fuse? Does he get angry first and ask questions later? Is it possible his understanding is not up to scratch? Have you had his hearing checked? Does he have difficulty sticking at one thing? Or can he immerse himself in something to the absolute exclusion of everything else? </p><p></p><p>Does he have trouble changing tasks? By this I mean, if he's playing in the backyard and you call him in for a meal or a bath, and INSIST, is this likely to cause him to get upset? If he's working on schoolwork - maths, for example - and he's told to put down his pen and stop work on the maths, here comes some English pages - does he get upset? Does he take a lot longer than others to get started?</p><p></p><p>You can help him by minimising the impact of these things. Help him and he realises that's what you're there for. Keep blocking him and trying to lead him by the nose, and he will pull back like a stubborn donkey.</p><p>With task-changing, for example. I give difficult child 3 a time warning - "Son, it's now 8.15 am. At 8.30 I need you to be working on your maths on the computer. You have 15 minutes to finish that game, or get it to a pause point where you can save it and go back after lessons." At 8.30 I will give him a few minutes' leeway if I think he's playing fair and simply hasn't had an opportunity to save the game. But take too long - I threaten to pull the house fuses. This will trigger a meltdown if I go this far, and it's only a recent thing I've been able to do, because there will be a meltdown on one day, with an apology (unprompted) half an hour later, followed by a week of not putting a foot wrong. But it took us a long time to get this good.</p><p></p><p>The aim of my exercise is to get him to work effectively and productively on his schoolwork. That half-hour from 8.30 to 9 am it actually to help get him started. His lessons officially begin at 9 am, so he's already in work mode and sometimes has begun his lessons a few minutes early. If he's worked well all day, finished his quota and more by, say, 3.15 pm (he's supposed to work until 3.30 pm - our rules) then I'll give him that extra time off, rather than get him to start new work. Or I might get him back on the computer tutor again. At the end of the day we talk about how well (or otherwise) he was able to work, but keep it positive, even if he had a bad day. "Tomorrow you will be able to concentrate better, we'll find a way to help you."</p><p></p><p>I'm giving you this info in a home schooling environment because for us, it's what we've found works best and we have the option to do it. I know tis is not the case for everybody.</p><p></p><p>A common problem for kids in mainstream, on the difficult child range - homework. A well-known trigger. There are many reasons for this and it's vital to work them out fast, so you don't get sucked into the problems at school as well. If a kid can do homework well and is benefiting, then that's great. But in my experience, that's rare, especially with difficult children. By the end of a school day they're tired, irritable and have been trying to hold it together all day. They need to let out all their frustrations, and presenting them with homework at tat time is often a disaster. And even later, when they've maybe worked off their energy but are really tired, also often doesn't work. We found that if we asked the school how much time the child should be doing homework and supervised to make sure that amount of time and no more was spent on it, then sat down with the teacher to discuss, "IS the amount he can do in this time really worth all the hair-pulling and angst?" you can often get a teacher to allow, in the IEP, a reduction or elimination of most homework.</p><p></p><p>It really depends on a lot of things. Even a diagnosis isn't always giving you the true picture. You are the parent, you know your child better than anyone. What you deal with is the picture. A diagnosis is a label you can use to open doors here or there, it doesn't always communicate fully.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3's teacher in Grade 1 rang me before she began the classes for the year. "I hear he's autistic - I have a son who's autistic. I think you'll find I have a better understanding than most teachers."</p><p>"Quite likely," I told her. "I'm glad you have some understanding - but be careful, difficult child 3 is not what you expect."</p><p>I collected him at the end of the first school day. She met me on the steps. "He is VERY different, isn't he?" she said.</p><p>She learnt a lot that year - most of it from scratch.</p><p></p><p>Keep us posted on how you go.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 63788, member: 1991"] From my experience, a lot of what gets called ODD is what is observed on the surface after another underlying disorder has caused problems for that child. A number of disorders can do this - often treating the underlying disorder can make a big difference. Also, trying to see what it is that the child is having trouble with, can also help. We have a book we recommend here - "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. There is some discussion on this in the Early Childhood forum. It's like a bible for some of us. You should be able to get it from the library, too, if you want to read it before you fork out bucks for it. You don't say how old your child is - that also can have a bearing. Basically, sit down and watch your child. Think about past events. Make sure you have your own notes recording interesting stuff like this, anything you think could be relevant. Err on the side of generosity. But think - is your son impulsive? Does he have a short fuse? Does he get angry first and ask questions later? Is it possible his understanding is not up to scratch? Have you had his hearing checked? Does he have difficulty sticking at one thing? Or can he immerse himself in something to the absolute exclusion of everything else? Does he have trouble changing tasks? By this I mean, if he's playing in the backyard and you call him in for a meal or a bath, and INSIST, is this likely to cause him to get upset? If he's working on schoolwork - maths, for example - and he's told to put down his pen and stop work on the maths, here comes some English pages - does he get upset? Does he take a lot longer than others to get started? You can help him by minimising the impact of these things. Help him and he realises that's what you're there for. Keep blocking him and trying to lead him by the nose, and he will pull back like a stubborn donkey. With task-changing, for example. I give difficult child 3 a time warning - "Son, it's now 8.15 am. At 8.30 I need you to be working on your maths on the computer. You have 15 minutes to finish that game, or get it to a pause point where you can save it and go back after lessons." At 8.30 I will give him a few minutes' leeway if I think he's playing fair and simply hasn't had an opportunity to save the game. But take too long - I threaten to pull the house fuses. This will trigger a meltdown if I go this far, and it's only a recent thing I've been able to do, because there will be a meltdown on one day, with an apology (unprompted) half an hour later, followed by a week of not putting a foot wrong. But it took us a long time to get this good. The aim of my exercise is to get him to work effectively and productively on his schoolwork. That half-hour from 8.30 to 9 am it actually to help get him started. His lessons officially begin at 9 am, so he's already in work mode and sometimes has begun his lessons a few minutes early. If he's worked well all day, finished his quota and more by, say, 3.15 pm (he's supposed to work until 3.30 pm - our rules) then I'll give him that extra time off, rather than get him to start new work. Or I might get him back on the computer tutor again. At the end of the day we talk about how well (or otherwise) he was able to work, but keep it positive, even if he had a bad day. "Tomorrow you will be able to concentrate better, we'll find a way to help you." I'm giving you this info in a home schooling environment because for us, it's what we've found works best and we have the option to do it. I know tis is not the case for everybody. A common problem for kids in mainstream, on the difficult child range - homework. A well-known trigger. There are many reasons for this and it's vital to work them out fast, so you don't get sucked into the problems at school as well. If a kid can do homework well and is benefiting, then that's great. But in my experience, that's rare, especially with difficult children. By the end of a school day they're tired, irritable and have been trying to hold it together all day. They need to let out all their frustrations, and presenting them with homework at tat time is often a disaster. And even later, when they've maybe worked off their energy but are really tired, also often doesn't work. We found that if we asked the school how much time the child should be doing homework and supervised to make sure that amount of time and no more was spent on it, then sat down with the teacher to discuss, "IS the amount he can do in this time really worth all the hair-pulling and angst?" you can often get a teacher to allow, in the IEP, a reduction or elimination of most homework. It really depends on a lot of things. Even a diagnosis isn't always giving you the true picture. You are the parent, you know your child better than anyone. What you deal with is the picture. A diagnosis is a label you can use to open doors here or there, it doesn't always communicate fully. difficult child 3's teacher in Grade 1 rang me before she began the classes for the year. "I hear he's autistic - I have a son who's autistic. I think you'll find I have a better understanding than most teachers." "Quite likely," I told her. "I'm glad you have some understanding - but be careful, difficult child 3 is not what you expect." I collected him at the end of the first school day. She met me on the steps. "He is VERY different, isn't he?" she said. She learnt a lot that year - most of it from scratch. Keep us posted on how you go. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
New here and looking for direction...
Top