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New here and so glad I'm no longer alone..
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 442331" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Welcome. You have found the right place. Many others here have been there done that and know how hard it is. What have the mental health people diagnosis'd her with? Does she need psychiatric medications, or don't those work with her or does she not have any need for them.</p><p></p><p>The things like cutting and scarification (making scars in patterns to create tattoo type things) can be a sign of past abuse. Cutting is a way many people deal with pain - and I HATE how mental health people treat it. Here it is no big deal to many of them. Well it sure is to us - and it took my mother agreeing to stop and stay stopped if my son would to get him to stop. He stopped because he didn't watn her to be in pain. She is the ONLY person who that owuld have worked with, so I am glad she did it. Heck, her cutting was traumatic for teh entire family too.</p><p></p><p>I don't think having her come home is good for you. At some point you DO have to put yoruself first. It sounds like you have done an awful lot and nothing has really helped. So letting her go to live where the system sends her may be a good thing for both of you. It will mean she has to face the world and real-world consequences for her actions. I hope you press charges for the theft of your money because until/unless that happens she is not going to figure out she has to stop or spend time in prison. For some of our kids that is the ONLY way they will even begin to be law abiding. I have a brother that constantly skirts the law. I know of at least 3 times he has used white-out and a xerox machine to make his own insurance verification to get out of tickets and jail time for driving with-o insurance. I stopped allowing him to drive my kids anywhere years ago. My mother started just paying his insurance for him because I made a big deal out of calling his insurance co to see if he was paid up before I let him drive my car. I was told that I needed to "trust" him - advice I ignored. </p><p></p><p>Jail isn't fun, but some of our kids do pretty well there. They seem to thrive on the structure and limitations, where out in the world they ahve too many temptations and cannot/willnot stay out of trouble. </p><p></p><p>No one here will judge you or say you are a bad person for not wanting her to return to your home. Stealing from you, esp in that amount, needs to have the consequence of not living with you again. If you get between her and what she wants you might get hurt. One member was on a very limited income and her son literally stole her last dollars by cutting the pockets of her pants - while she slept in them. This could be you. Esp if she is wanting drug money. A clean test doesn't mean she won't relapse and in my opinion with your health that is a LOT to risk.</p><p></p><p>Your health will get a lot better with-o the stress of living with her. I think not visiting her is just fine. She knew before this return to jail that youw ouldn't visit and following through by not visiting her will tell her you mean what you say. I am sorry you have to do that, but it was her choice not yours.</p><p></p><p>(((((hugs)))))) None of this is easy, is it?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 442331, member: 1233"] Welcome. You have found the right place. Many others here have been there done that and know how hard it is. What have the mental health people diagnosis'd her with? Does she need psychiatric medications, or don't those work with her or does she not have any need for them. The things like cutting and scarification (making scars in patterns to create tattoo type things) can be a sign of past abuse. Cutting is a way many people deal with pain - and I HATE how mental health people treat it. Here it is no big deal to many of them. Well it sure is to us - and it took my mother agreeing to stop and stay stopped if my son would to get him to stop. He stopped because he didn't watn her to be in pain. She is the ONLY person who that owuld have worked with, so I am glad she did it. Heck, her cutting was traumatic for teh entire family too. I don't think having her come home is good for you. At some point you DO have to put yoruself first. It sounds like you have done an awful lot and nothing has really helped. So letting her go to live where the system sends her may be a good thing for both of you. It will mean she has to face the world and real-world consequences for her actions. I hope you press charges for the theft of your money because until/unless that happens she is not going to figure out she has to stop or spend time in prison. For some of our kids that is the ONLY way they will even begin to be law abiding. I have a brother that constantly skirts the law. I know of at least 3 times he has used white-out and a xerox machine to make his own insurance verification to get out of tickets and jail time for driving with-o insurance. I stopped allowing him to drive my kids anywhere years ago. My mother started just paying his insurance for him because I made a big deal out of calling his insurance co to see if he was paid up before I let him drive my car. I was told that I needed to "trust" him - advice I ignored. Jail isn't fun, but some of our kids do pretty well there. They seem to thrive on the structure and limitations, where out in the world they ahve too many temptations and cannot/willnot stay out of trouble. No one here will judge you or say you are a bad person for not wanting her to return to your home. Stealing from you, esp in that amount, needs to have the consequence of not living with you again. If you get between her and what she wants you might get hurt. One member was on a very limited income and her son literally stole her last dollars by cutting the pockets of her pants - while she slept in them. This could be you. Esp if she is wanting drug money. A clean test doesn't mean she won't relapse and in my opinion with your health that is a LOT to risk. Your health will get a lot better with-o the stress of living with her. I think not visiting her is just fine. She knew before this return to jail that youw ouldn't visit and following through by not visiting her will tell her you mean what you say. I am sorry you have to do that, but it was her choice not yours. (((((hugs)))))) None of this is easy, is it? [/QUOTE]
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