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New here...any other step-parents??? This is long...
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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 310612" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>Ok, so...in a nutshell, here's my story.</p><p>***</p><p>A decade or two ago, I met my DEX. We started dating. He had a 2 year old son that lived with the mother. Mom had a boyfriend, DEX thought they were great people, mom would get mad at DEX on occassion and not let him see the boy, but DEX accepted it because mom and boyfriend were good to the boy.</p><p>***</p><p>So mom disappears with the boy for 6 or 8 months, at the end of which we find out she's in jail. DEX hunts down the boy and gets custody. I take very much nothing more than a step-parent role, and 6 or 8 months after the boy moves in, we get married. </p><p>***</p><p>Then I learn first hand that mom and boyfriend weren't the stellar people DEX beleived them to be. Then, the new wore off our relationship for DEX, and that with the boy, and DEX started doing nothing. The more time passed, the more I fell in love with this little boy, despite his challenges, and by the time I knew the relationship with DEX was a mistake, I was not about to walk away and abandon the boy - now known as my difficult child 1.</p><p>***</p><p>I can share your horror stories, but I'll spare ya. I did all the interactions with doctors, teachers, school, daycare, etc for difficult child 1. Tho his bio mom got out of jail and lived less than 15 miles away, he never saw her. After that first year or so, his own father had very little to do with him, despite living in the same house. With the help of DEX's family, I basically remained married to DEX, but raised difficult child 1 as a single parent. Even the school saw the sitaution and dealt directly with me and not with his father. There was a note in his file til the day he graduated that said all correspondence went to me only.... </p><p>***</p><p>Fast forward to now. difficult child 1 is 20. He is in the military, married, with a little boy of his own, and (holding my breath) doing ok. I worry about him, but I've done all I can. He has nothing to do with either bio parent (tho, ironically, his dad has a girlfriend that is giving them all sorts of hell right now, cause she wants to be a grandma to that baby...she's never even met difficult child 1 or his wife because bio dad hasn't seem him in over 2 years, and that was in passing on the road...!) I am grandma to a beautiful little boy and mother in law to a nice young woman. I have no idea what the future holds for difficult child and his family, and I'd be kidding you if I said I didn't have serious reservations, but for now, things are good, and I don't think about tomorrow. One thing I learned with him, being a difficult child, long ago, was to meet him where he's at.</p><p>***</p><p>Sometimes I look back and try to think if I would do it again or not, and I can't answer that. That boy caused me immense grief. I also love him dearly and I don't know what would have happened to him if I'd have left him. I commend you for not marrying the dad. I would have serious questions about a life-long relationship with a man who can't step up to the plate for his kids. Unfortunately for me, I didn't see that til I was already committed to the man, so I didn't have to ask these questions before hand. While I chose to take on difficult child 1 when both of his parents didn't, I wouldn't condemn anyone who chose to walk away. The less and less I saw them do, the more I stepped up and just did. But I also came into difficult child's life when he was much smaller, and I truly loved that little boy, and he still tested the limits of my love when he was your SS's age...but by then it wasn't much of a question.</p><p>***</p><p>So anyway, that's my story of my difficult child 1. Obviously, there's a lot more to it, but that's the nutshell version. lol</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 310612, member: 1848"] Ok, so...in a nutshell, here's my story. *** A decade or two ago, I met my DEX. We started dating. He had a 2 year old son that lived with the mother. Mom had a boyfriend, DEX thought they were great people, mom would get mad at DEX on occassion and not let him see the boy, but DEX accepted it because mom and boyfriend were good to the boy. *** So mom disappears with the boy for 6 or 8 months, at the end of which we find out she's in jail. DEX hunts down the boy and gets custody. I take very much nothing more than a step-parent role, and 6 or 8 months after the boy moves in, we get married. *** Then I learn first hand that mom and boyfriend weren't the stellar people DEX beleived them to be. Then, the new wore off our relationship for DEX, and that with the boy, and DEX started doing nothing. The more time passed, the more I fell in love with this little boy, despite his challenges, and by the time I knew the relationship with DEX was a mistake, I was not about to walk away and abandon the boy - now known as my difficult child 1. *** I can share your horror stories, but I'll spare ya. I did all the interactions with doctors, teachers, school, daycare, etc for difficult child 1. Tho his bio mom got out of jail and lived less than 15 miles away, he never saw her. After that first year or so, his own father had very little to do with him, despite living in the same house. With the help of DEX's family, I basically remained married to DEX, but raised difficult child 1 as a single parent. Even the school saw the sitaution and dealt directly with me and not with his father. There was a note in his file til the day he graduated that said all correspondence went to me only.... *** Fast forward to now. difficult child 1 is 20. He is in the military, married, with a little boy of his own, and (holding my breath) doing ok. I worry about him, but I've done all I can. He has nothing to do with either bio parent (tho, ironically, his dad has a girlfriend that is giving them all sorts of hell right now, cause she wants to be a grandma to that baby...she's never even met difficult child 1 or his wife because bio dad hasn't seem him in over 2 years, and that was in passing on the road...!) I am grandma to a beautiful little boy and mother in law to a nice young woman. I have no idea what the future holds for difficult child and his family, and I'd be kidding you if I said I didn't have serious reservations, but for now, things are good, and I don't think about tomorrow. One thing I learned with him, being a difficult child, long ago, was to meet him where he's at. *** Sometimes I look back and try to think if I would do it again or not, and I can't answer that. That boy caused me immense grief. I also love him dearly and I don't know what would have happened to him if I'd have left him. I commend you for not marrying the dad. I would have serious questions about a life-long relationship with a man who can't step up to the plate for his kids. Unfortunately for me, I didn't see that til I was already committed to the man, so I didn't have to ask these questions before hand. While I chose to take on difficult child 1 when both of his parents didn't, I wouldn't condemn anyone who chose to walk away. The less and less I saw them do, the more I stepped up and just did. But I also came into difficult child's life when he was much smaller, and I truly loved that little boy, and he still tested the limits of my love when he was your SS's age...but by then it wasn't much of a question. *** So anyway, that's my story of my difficult child 1. Obviously, there's a lot more to it, but that's the nutshell version. lol [/QUOTE]
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