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New Here: Are we gonna survive 1st grade???
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<blockquote data-quote="'Chelle" data-source="post: 33302" data-attributes="member: 1161"><p>Hi Eleanor. I used to wonder the same thing, and envisioned my difficult child not even making grade 8 and living in a box under a bridge or something, but we've made it and I'm sure you will too though it's not an easy road. :thumb:</p><p></p><p>My son's problems started about the same time as yours, and in grade 2 graduated to meltdowns. We didn't get a diagnosis though, and over the next 3 years through a few programs ended up in a 3:1 ratio classroom. In hindsight the worst thing for him. We got a diagnosis, the 3:1 teacher actually was the first to truly "get" my son, and with this and the medication we were able to integrate him back to regular classes with an aide. He's doing well, though his mediocre grades aren't reflective of his IQ, but at least he's on to high school. We came to realize a lot of my son's problems were his anxieties and ocdness - not "getting" something when he knew he should, his need to do things "perfectly" or "right" all the time, his problems with transitions. They've done things like write the schedule down for him for the day, so he'd always know what was next, and if language arts was next (his most hated subject) then it wasn't "sprung" on him. You mentioned that you haven't found a trigger for behaviors, and that's similar with us. The thing is, a trigger could be something completely simple. Once my son's desk was sitting near a window, and the sun was shining in on his leg, making his leg hot and making it too bright. He ended up in a meltdown over writing a few sentences in his journal. When I finally got him to talk about the whole thing, right to the sun part, we realized that was what irritated him to start with and brought on the whole thing. He didn't think the teacher would let him move if he told her the sun was bothering him. The Christmas music they were playing in the school brought on another. The sound bothered him, and he melted over something else. But in making him talk over the whole thing, he just wanted the noise to stop. Oh, for an uncomplicated child :hammer: LOL. It could be anything like this with your son as well. The school finding your son "noisy", is he perhaps using sounds as a stimulant? I know my son used to make a lot more noises, and still does once in a while. He'll be sitting quiet at the computer and then just make some noise. :crazy: It's like they just can't hold it in.</p><p></p><p>I've used some of the things I've learned in The Explosive Child as well, though probably not following it exactly as the author intended. I think it's like any parenting technique, you have to adapt it to your situation and what works for you. I have found that with my sons rigid thinking over some things, that if I sit down and talk to him about behaviors etc. and he has input into what happens or doesn't, that he does much better. Perhaps if you sit down with your difficult child and mention that "what will happen" and get him to talk about what he thinks and get him to agree with what will happen before the behaviors you won't get this as much. I think this is such a kid thing though, I get this from both of mine, "what if I don't" and my response now is just :nonono: "you know what will happen".</p><p></p><p>Again, welcome to the site. Hope we can help you out. </p><p> :flower: :angel: :kisses:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="'Chelle, post: 33302, member: 1161"] Hi Eleanor. I used to wonder the same thing, and envisioned my difficult child not even making grade 8 and living in a box under a bridge or something, but we've made it and I'm sure you will too though it's not an easy road. [img]:thumb:[/img] My son's problems started about the same time as yours, and in grade 2 graduated to meltdowns. We didn't get a diagnosis though, and over the next 3 years through a few programs ended up in a 3:1 ratio classroom. In hindsight the worst thing for him. We got a diagnosis, the 3:1 teacher actually was the first to truly "get" my son, and with this and the medication we were able to integrate him back to regular classes with an aide. He's doing well, though his mediocre grades aren't reflective of his IQ, but at least he's on to high school. We came to realize a lot of my son's problems were his anxieties and ocdness - not "getting" something when he knew he should, his need to do things "perfectly" or "right" all the time, his problems with transitions. They've done things like write the schedule down for him for the day, so he'd always know what was next, and if language arts was next (his most hated subject) then it wasn't "sprung" on him. You mentioned that you haven't found a trigger for behaviors, and that's similar with us. The thing is, a trigger could be something completely simple. Once my son's desk was sitting near a window, and the sun was shining in on his leg, making his leg hot and making it too bright. He ended up in a meltdown over writing a few sentences in his journal. When I finally got him to talk about the whole thing, right to the sun part, we realized that was what irritated him to start with and brought on the whole thing. He didn't think the teacher would let him move if he told her the sun was bothering him. The Christmas music they were playing in the school brought on another. The sound bothered him, and he melted over something else. But in making him talk over the whole thing, he just wanted the noise to stop. Oh, for an uncomplicated child [img]:hammer:[/img] LOL. It could be anything like this with your son as well. The school finding your son "noisy", is he perhaps using sounds as a stimulant? I know my son used to make a lot more noises, and still does once in a while. He'll be sitting quiet at the computer and then just make some noise. [img]:crazy:[/img] It's like they just can't hold it in. I've used some of the things I've learned in The Explosive Child as well, though probably not following it exactly as the author intended. I think it's like any parenting technique, you have to adapt it to your situation and what works for you. I have found that with my sons rigid thinking over some things, that if I sit down and talk to him about behaviors etc. and he has input into what happens or doesn't, that he does much better. Perhaps if you sit down with your difficult child and mention that "what will happen" and get him to talk about what he thinks and get him to agree with what will happen before the behaviors you won't get this as much. I think this is such a kid thing though, I get this from both of mine, "what if I don't" and my response now is just [img]:nonono:[/img] "you know what will happen". Again, welcome to the site. Hope we can help you out. [img]:flower:[/img] [img]:angel:[/img] [img]:kisses:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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