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New Here- but not new at this struggle
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<blockquote data-quote="TweedHouse" data-source="post: 174891" data-attributes="member: 5574"><p>Thanks for all the warm replies! I find the internet and its specialty forums/social networking kind of bittersweet actually. Its so awesome that people with problems or unique situations don't have to feel so lonely and can find solutions and new friends. However that being said, there is a huge disadvantage to only being able to use type-written text to express the huge array of nuances and subtleties of life. </p><p></p><p>For example, Marguerite's reply mentioned "clamping-down" but this is not part of our parenting style. We ascribe more to the gentle-discipline/attachment style. I find people/resources like <a href="http://www.enjoyparenting.com/" target="_blank">Scott Noelle</a> and <a href="http://mothering.com/" target="_blank">Mothering Magazine</a>, and <a href="http://www.naturalchild.com/" target="_blank">The Natural Child Project</a> to be in line with our parenting beliefs. However, there are limitations to this style when you truly believe you are dealing with a child who is dealing with a lot himself. Many of those outspoken with these philosophies seem to say they are a panacea for whatever ails the family or child. In our experience these techniques have simply softened the blow of having an explosive child. I think this approach has made our good days possible and given me the ability to parent by instinct and not be too hard on myself. But at the end of the day, he still is an explosive child. Mostly demanding, unhappy and impulsive. And that's tiring.</p><p></p><p>difficult child's dad and I are married and happy. We don't have any histories of our own or that we know of family wise other than alcoholism by both our bio-dads and my grandma deals with an untreated hoarding disorder. We don't have insurance right now, but can use a payment plan if I find a good professional for a diagnosis. As far as ODD, my intent with that sentence was just that with my own reading it matches up with many of the behaviors. I know I am not a doctor. He's had no speech or language or development issues that have been noticeable. Just the intense negative behavior and early aversion to cuddling and closeness. </p><p></p><p>As far as school, it was a parochial school and they don't refer to the same types of resources or use the same approach as a public school. If it had gotten any worse they could have just expelled him I imagine. For homeschooling we use an unschooling/ relaxed approach so that takes external stress off of all of us also. I am so happy to have him home now, we get such a better ratio of good days to bad days then we did when he was at school. (almost every day was bad then)</p><p></p><p>I am checking those recommended books at the library. I can't wait. Thanks for the info. You all are brave and strong parents! Your children are fortunate to have such caring and kind people looking out for them. I often think about what a horrible battle this kind of life would be for parents who just don't get it and deal with it poorly or do drugs etc. Kids like these need parents who are using their best judgment and trying as hard as superheroes. </p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/peaceful.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":peaceful:" title="peaceful :peaceful:" data-shortname=":peaceful:" />TweedHouse</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TweedHouse, post: 174891, member: 5574"] Thanks for all the warm replies! I find the internet and its specialty forums/social networking kind of bittersweet actually. Its so awesome that people with problems or unique situations don't have to feel so lonely and can find solutions and new friends. However that being said, there is a huge disadvantage to only being able to use type-written text to express the huge array of nuances and subtleties of life. For example, Marguerite's reply mentioned "clamping-down" but this is not part of our parenting style. We ascribe more to the gentle-discipline/attachment style. I find people/resources like [URL="http://www.enjoyparenting.com/"]Scott Noelle[/URL] and [URL="http://mothering.com/"]Mothering Magazine[/URL], and [URL="http://www.naturalchild.com/"]The Natural Child Project[/URL] to be in line with our parenting beliefs. However, there are limitations to this style when you truly believe you are dealing with a child who is dealing with a lot himself. Many of those outspoken with these philosophies seem to say they are a panacea for whatever ails the family or child. In our experience these techniques have simply softened the blow of having an explosive child. I think this approach has made our good days possible and given me the ability to parent by instinct and not be too hard on myself. But at the end of the day, he still is an explosive child. Mostly demanding, unhappy and impulsive. And that's tiring. difficult child's dad and I are married and happy. We don't have any histories of our own or that we know of family wise other than alcoholism by both our bio-dads and my grandma deals with an untreated hoarding disorder. We don't have insurance right now, but can use a payment plan if I find a good professional for a diagnosis. As far as ODD, my intent with that sentence was just that with my own reading it matches up with many of the behaviors. I know I am not a doctor. He's had no speech or language or development issues that have been noticeable. Just the intense negative behavior and early aversion to cuddling and closeness. As far as school, it was a parochial school and they don't refer to the same types of resources or use the same approach as a public school. If it had gotten any worse they could have just expelled him I imagine. For homeschooling we use an unschooling/ relaxed approach so that takes external stress off of all of us also. I am so happy to have him home now, we get such a better ratio of good days to bad days then we did when he was at school. (almost every day was bad then) I am checking those recommended books at the library. I can't wait. Thanks for the info. You all are brave and strong parents! Your children are fortunate to have such caring and kind people looking out for them. I often think about what a horrible battle this kind of life would be for parents who just don't get it and deal with it poorly or do drugs etc. Kids like these need parents who are using their best judgment and trying as hard as superheroes. :peaceful:TweedHouse [/QUOTE]
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