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Parent Emeritus
New here, need advice re wilderness
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 407581"><p>We sent our son to a wilderness program when he was 15 and then to a therapeutic boarding school. I think both things helped him at the time but they did not save him. He still ended up relapsing and getting into huge trouble. I think they prolonged the process so that he didn't get into the really serious trouble until he was older... and at least for a while it curbed the drug use when he was young. So I don't regret sending him or the money we spent.</p><p></p><p>However at the age of 19 we are now taking the stand that we will help him in his recovery and we are paying for rehab etc. but he had to get to the place where he wanted it. His motivation was external (the legal system) but it was not us He had some tough choices to make and he chose rehab and we agreed to pay for it. We are willing to help him out as long as it supports his recovery, but we are no longer willing to demand that he do these things. </p><p></p><p>Our son is also very oppositional and I think even more with kids like that it is important to try and step out of the authoritarian parent role because that is what they are fighting against. At the same time I think they need our love and support but with limits. </p><p></p><p>I think I would put your son on a budget for school - how much money you will give him to school - pay for what you can directly rather than giving him the money. He has to stay within that budget or fend for himself. Gambling will get him into trouble quick....so I would watch how much money you give him.</p><p></p><p>I think he probably needs to get himself into a situation where he wants help..... any wilderness program he goes into at 21 he can walk out of. They are not going to keep him against his will. They can't do that legally.</p><p></p><p>It is tough being a parent of a young adult, who emotionally is not an adult but of course thinks he is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 407581"] We sent our son to a wilderness program when he was 15 and then to a therapeutic boarding school. I think both things helped him at the time but they did not save him. He still ended up relapsing and getting into huge trouble. I think they prolonged the process so that he didn't get into the really serious trouble until he was older... and at least for a while it curbed the drug use when he was young. So I don't regret sending him or the money we spent. However at the age of 19 we are now taking the stand that we will help him in his recovery and we are paying for rehab etc. but he had to get to the place where he wanted it. His motivation was external (the legal system) but it was not us He had some tough choices to make and he chose rehab and we agreed to pay for it. We are willing to help him out as long as it supports his recovery, but we are no longer willing to demand that he do these things. Our son is also very oppositional and I think even more with kids like that it is important to try and step out of the authoritarian parent role because that is what they are fighting against. At the same time I think they need our love and support but with limits. I think I would put your son on a budget for school - how much money you will give him to school - pay for what you can directly rather than giving him the money. He has to stay within that budget or fend for himself. Gambling will get him into trouble quick....so I would watch how much money you give him. I think he probably needs to get himself into a situation where he wants help..... any wilderness program he goes into at 21 he can walk out of. They are not going to keep him against his will. They can't do that legally. It is tough being a parent of a young adult, who emotionally is not an adult but of course thinks he is. [/QUOTE]
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