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Parent Emeritus
New here, need advice re wilderness
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<blockquote data-quote="mrsammler" data-source="post: 408424"><p>Absolutely what Star said: he's 21 and it sounds like the only person who's taking his school, treatment, possible return to a sane and productive existence, etc is you. If he's playing you (i.e., "but you promised" and all that), he's not interested in getting better: he's interested in getting money, shelter, etc.</p><p></p><p>My nephew, a classic difficult child (and ODD in teens, CD in late teens, and almost undoubtedly ASPD/sociopath now), was sent off to a wilderness-centric Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in UT for most of a year at 16, and they declared him OK for return to home, and within weeks he was at it again. He's now almost 19, supposedly attending classes (i.e., not really attending) at a community college but actually just living off of his mother's ceaseless denial-driven financial support (paying for his apartment, his meals, his utilities, his car, his gas, allowance--it's just incredible). The unspoken deal is "pay all my bills and keep me housed in comfort here or I'll come home and make your life a living hell all over again," and she's tacitly succumbing to it.</p><p></p><p>Here's what works, especially after they turn 18: after you've tried all reasonable paths toward help, treatment, etc--and it's evident that you have--you have to turn away and let them just plummet. Really let them plummet, all the way to the ground. Yes, they might die. Yes, they might turn to criminality and end up with a criminal record, incarceration, etc. It's a chance you HAVE to take: otherwise you'll be wringing your hands and funding their lives, in one way or another, and thus enabling them to remain dysfunctional, for potentially decades, or the rest of your life, or until your money runs out. And you won't be posting in <a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com" target="_blank">www.conductdisorders.com</a> anymore: you'll eventually migrate over to the "psychopath in the family" forum at <a href="http://www.psychopath-research.com" target="_blank">www.psychopath-research.com</a>, where the stories are simply the adult-years extensions, albeit much more hopeless and miserable, of what you see here in the "parents emeritus" forum. And believe me, the parents over there, while they still ache for their adult children, are no longer asking "why does he do this?" or "what can I do to help?" They're asking "why in the world did I give most of my adult life to this emotional sinkhole?" That is a conclusion much to be avoided.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mrsammler, post: 408424"] Absolutely what Star said: he's 21 and it sounds like the only person who's taking his school, treatment, possible return to a sane and productive existence, etc is you. If he's playing you (i.e., "but you promised" and all that), he's not interested in getting better: he's interested in getting money, shelter, etc. My nephew, a classic difficult child (and ODD in teens, CD in late teens, and almost undoubtedly ASPD/sociopath now), was sent off to a wilderness-centric Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in UT for most of a year at 16, and they declared him OK for return to home, and within weeks he was at it again. He's now almost 19, supposedly attending classes (i.e., not really attending) at a community college but actually just living off of his mother's ceaseless denial-driven financial support (paying for his apartment, his meals, his utilities, his car, his gas, allowance--it's just incredible). The unspoken deal is "pay all my bills and keep me housed in comfort here or I'll come home and make your life a living hell all over again," and she's tacitly succumbing to it. Here's what works, especially after they turn 18: after you've tried all reasonable paths toward help, treatment, etc--and it's evident that you have--you have to turn away and let them just plummet. Really let them plummet, all the way to the ground. Yes, they might die. Yes, they might turn to criminality and end up with a criminal record, incarceration, etc. It's a chance you HAVE to take: otherwise you'll be wringing your hands and funding their lives, in one way or another, and thus enabling them to remain dysfunctional, for potentially decades, or the rest of your life, or until your money runs out. And you won't be posting in [url]www.conductdisorders.com[/url] anymore: you'll eventually migrate over to the "psychopath in the family" forum at [url]www.psychopath-research.com[/url], where the stories are simply the adult-years extensions, albeit much more hopeless and miserable, of what you see here in the "parents emeritus" forum. And believe me, the parents over there, while they still ache for their adult children, are no longer asking "why does he do this?" or "what can I do to help?" They're asking "why in the world did I give most of my adult life to this emotional sinkhole?" That is a conclusion much to be avoided. [/QUOTE]
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