Hi, well that indeed is a scary situation and IC is right. Probably not just ODD/ADHD. He sounds like he really is not connected to other people. Has anyone ever suggested Reactive Attachment Disorder (Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD))?
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/parenting_bonding_reactive_attachment_disorder.htm
http://www.radkid.org/signs_and_symptoms.html
This requires specialized therapy and general psychiatric therapy does not help much. He is quite old now so may not be very much helped by others, unless there is something in him that wants to change desperately and works at it in a genuine way. But we on the outside have no control over that. Still, I'd never give up at least finding some source to help no matter the diagnosis. A neuropsychologist evaluation can help you find out if there are other challenges he is facing beyond the adhd and odd diagnosis (Or if they are not the correct diagnosis).
It is very scary and often these kids need to be living in a supervised living situation. I would be looking into a residential treatment facility. Just mho. (and I am living with a child who can be aggressive, but have no other kids and he is connected to people and pets in a genuine and loving way....still has attachment issues, but not the severe end of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)) I have always got the idea of a residential placement in the back of my brain, just in case.....
